Remembering Dad

Father's Day carries mixed emotions for me.  As a wife and mother, I am so thankful for the man I married - he is the best dad I know.  It's a great day to celebrate all he is and all he means to our family.  I enjoy preparing for this day and spending it with my husband and our two precious sons.    As a daughter, I am reminiscent and sad; yet also thankful.  Today is the 15th Father's Day I have spent without my Dad.  It feels weird even typing that.  15 years?  Where did that time go?  It seems like only yesterday I was making cupcakes in my Easy Bake oven for my Dad and watching with pride as he gobbled them all down (without a hint of how dried out they were).  I loved celebrating my dad as a child - because to me - he was the best dad ever created by God and I was lucky enough to have him.  I felt bad for other kids who didn't have a dad like mine.  As I got older, I was able to see he wasn't perfect - but he still was the perfect dad.  He made me feel special; he made me feel important.  As a daughter, those are precious gifts from a father that have carried with me all my life.  I know I wouldn't have married a man who treats me like a queen if I didn't start out with a dad who treated me like a princess.

I miss my dad a lot.  I often wonder what he would think about having 5 grandsons and 1 granddaughter.  I wonder what my parents life would be like if he were still here.  I know our family dynamics would be different.  My brother and husband would have a hand to guide them if and when they needed it.  Never one to push, my dad would be available to any of us if we needed it.  He probably would have had a few words of wisdom for all of us over the years that we could have used.  I am sure there were times over the last 15 years he would have spoken up about a few things.

I didn't think when I lost my father how much I would still be missing him all these years later.  It's a hole that can't be filled.  And it's not just on Father's day.  It felt like I lost him again the day my first son was born; and my second.  It's those life altering moments that you feel the void the most - he's not here.  I can't watch him cheer for my son while he pitches; I can't enjoy watching him play a board game with my kids or watch them swim.

It's during tough times I think about my dad too.  I can't ask him what I should do - but I do think about what he would say to me. Would he be proud of the wife I have become; the mother I am?  Am I doing enough to keep our family together?  Watch out for my mom?  Be there for my brother?  Even today it's hard to keep our family tight when the head of it is no longer here.

In spite of all sorrow, I am thankful.  My dad gave me the best example of what my heavenly Father is like. Surely God knew how important that was going to be once my earthly father was gone.  His voice and wisdom still whisper in my ear.  My dad guided me, my brother, and my husband well in the years he was here.  It's still his voice I hear say "I love you" when I feel unlovable.  It's still his strength I remember - in pain but pushing on - when I feel I can't go another step.  It's still his hand on my shoulder I feel when I am not sure which way to go.

He was a great Father and today I miss him.  I hope our family makes him proud watching from heaven.  I know he wouldn't change being with Jesus to be here on earth - even for his grandchildren.  And I rest in that assurance every day - I know I will be with him again.  But still, I would love to see him watch one of his grandsons play a ball game - just once.  And on that day, I would have one more person to make cupcakes for.

The end of Preschool

Well, May 28th was the last day our family would have a child in WEE School. I cannot begin to put into words how much this school has meant to both our boys, and our family in general. To have a place that you can leave your children and not worry at all is truly a blessing. But the best part is how much they learned while they were there. Not just academics, but the love of Jesus was felt by our boys in every classroom they were in - you can't ask for anything more than that. Jason's TK graduation was in May and it was beautiful.

They sang songs, got awards of the fruit of the spirit (Jason got the fruit of the spirit award for peace...go figure! I have always said he is different at school than he is at home and this proves it!) and recited all the books of the bible - Old and New testament - in order - amazing! Jason went all year with only getting his card turned to yellow - not red - one time.  He also claims he got caught in the fray of other boys talking which is why he got his card flipped.  Too funny!  It was his goal every day to stay on green - and he did.  He also wanted to finish strong so the last full week of school he had 6 gold stars - which meant he got 7 things from the prize box.  He was pretty proud of himself.

We are proud of our little man and can't believe he's going to be in Kindergarten in the fall. He definitely is ready!

A night with The Oak Ridge Boys

In the midst of the craziness of moving, end of school, baseball, etc. we took time out to see one of our favorite bands - The Oak Ridge Boys. These guys have been a favorite of Rick's since before high school. We actually used to have little arguments over them - as I was a HUGE Alabama fan in high school. Alabama would always be up against the ORB at awards ceremonies and Alabama would usually win. "A conspiracy" Rick would always say. But over the years I have become an even bigger fan of the Oak Ridge Boys. We've had the pleasure of meeting these guys several times and they are truly genuine and caring. Once we saw they were finally coming to Charlotte, we couldn't pass up the opportunity to see them in concert. They were playing at the Blumenthal - which is a great place to see a concert. We all went to the Capitol Grill downtown and had a great meal.

Our server loved Jason's picture so much, she asked if it could be the first picture they hung in the kitchen. She took him back there and showed him where it was hanging - he loved it! The concert was great, and brought back a lot of great memories for Rick and I. It was so fun to watch our boys sing along to the songs we listened to for years. It was a truly memorable evening!

My baby is 10!

It's been a crazy couple of weeks around here - end of school, moving, and David's 10th birthday. I can't believe he is 10 years old! We are so blessed to have a son like David. We prayed so hard for this child and were so thankful when we found out we were pregnant. He truly is a blessing to our family. His sweet spirit, thankful heart and caring nature make him such an exceptional child. He is the perfect older brother to Jason. He has a lot more patience with him than I do most days! I love being his mom. He is a joy to watch with his friends, at school, playing sports...whatever he is doing. Sometimes when I see him sleeping, he still has the little face that I remember as an infant. David, you are a blessing to our family and we thank God every day he made you our son. We love you!

Amazed

There are days when my kids totally blow me away by what they do - sometimes good, sometimes bad! Mostly good though. One example is David and baseball. He has always loved to play baseball, and at the end of last season, he told the coach he wanted to try pitching. Well, the season ended before he got a chance, so this season he told the coach on day one he wanted to try. I'll be honest, last season I was apprehensive about letting him try. Pitching is a lot of work, and a lot of stress. At this age, games are won and lost (by a lot of runs) based on a pitchers ability or inability. We've watched sweet little boys cry at the end of the game because they couldn't get the ball over the plate. But after his throwing ability showed up during flag football, I was no longer apprehensive about letting him do it. The second game in, the coach asked the pitching coach if David was ready and he said yes. David has pitched no less than 2 innings (out of 5) for every game since. Coach told him his first game was the best start for a first time pitcher he's ever seen. I am so proud of him, not just in his ability to play, but how calm he is on the mound. Whether he strikes someone out, hits the batter, or walks him, his reaction never changes. No fists pumping, no pouting, no beating himself up. He is calm and steady (he obviously gets this from his father!). While I am pacing the fence, he is steady as a rock. I love that God has given him a natural love of pitching, and baseball, and it's not something we manufactured in him. The greatest joy I have on Saturday is to see that he is having fun - win or lose.

My first love......

Alright, he's not my first love, my husband is. But this guy comes in at a close second! A sweet friend of mine sent me an email for my birthday that said "Someone has a special message for you" and in it was this picture. The funny thing about it is, we have been friends forever and found out just this year that back in 1982 we went to the same Rick Springfield concert at Carowinds. I will never forget it - it was my first concert that my parents allowed me to go to after months of begging. It was my 13th birthday so they caved - and boy was I glad they did. I was among thousands of screaming girls packed in the stands like sardines and loved every minute of it! There is no relevance to this post. I just wanted his gorgeous picture to forever be on my blog! Great memories! Thanks Kimberly for sending this to me!

Mother's Day 2010

What a great weekend this was! I turned 41 (yikes) on Saturday and then had a wonderful Mother's day. Last week Jason's TK class had a mother's day brunch for us. We were treated to muffins, coffee, juice, an art show and all the wonderful things our children had made for us (notice the lollipop corsage on my jacket!). His teacher read a story of all the "lasts" we should hold on to. This was especially moving for me as this is our "last" child going through WEE School. I cried (as did most moms) as she read the story, and then when I got to the car I cried a lot more. These years go by so fast. Between school, activities, looking for a house, church activities, etc. time has just flown by. It was precious to me to be able to sit with my son and enjoy time just me and him. I will never forget it. I spent my birthday on the ball field watching David pitch 3 terrific innings and help lead his team to a win. My friends surprised me at the field by singing happy birthday to me - sweet! Then we went to look at our new house! More on that later. Mother's day was filled with both boys asking me all day if there was anything they could do for me. We went to church and then at Five Guys with my mom and my brother and his family. The children got to run around at the park while mom and I watched and had a coffee - that was a lot of fun. Each Mother's day I am reminded of a time, not too long ago, when I wondered if I would ever celebrate this day for myself. There were many years before we had David that I truly wasn't sure if God was going to bless us with children. Mother's day is a special day to remember that time, and be thankful that God chose to bless us in this way. Yes, the days get hectic, the emotions run high and the schedules are full, but this is the life I have always wanted. To be a wife, and a mom - that was my goal. And I praise God today for loving me enough to bless me in this way. I can't imagine a life more full.