8 years old!

My first born turned 8 today. He had a great birthday - Dad came to school and brought him Wendy's (his request), brownies for the class and hung out and played football at recess with them all - he was the hero for the day! I just finished icing cupcakes for his party tomorrow at the park. Who would have ever thought I'd be buying my child an Ipod for his 8TH BIRTHDAY! Yikes. He loves it and says this was his best birthday ever. I agree. He's changing so much I wish that I could just keep him in a box. He's maturing into a fine young man and his dad and I are so proud of him. He has great discernment in choosing his friends and I pray that always continues. How blessed we are to have him as a son.

Hearing God's voice

There are days when I hear God's voice in a tiny whisper; so soft and sweet that if it weren't for the warm feeling in my soul, I would have mistaken it for just another voice; just another day. These God whispers have taken several forms over the last few days. Like last night, I was up reading late and the boys were dead asleep - had been for hours, when I heard my youngest say "I love you do Day-Day" (what he calls his older brother). I went to his room and there he was, still sound asleep. After a day of playing referee between my boys, to hear the love he has for his brother come from his heart during his dreams made my heart sing. "Thank you God" I whispered. Another time this week I was struggling with negative self talk. We had all gone to bed and it had been quiet in our house for a long time. I thought my husband had already fallen asleep. I was lying in bed, wide awake, thinking of all the things I am failing at. It was then that my husband reached over and grabbed my hand in the darkness and whispered "I love you". My negative talk settled down, as did my spirit. These may seem like little things - a friend calling to see how I'm doing; encouragement from a parent; a long hug from my children. These are God things to me. Because most times when I remember them, they came at the exact time I needed them and my soul stirred. God speaks to us in so many ways. May I always be aware of all the ways He does.

Some days are just worth remembering....

Today was one of those days. But not for the warm and fuzzy reasons I usually like to remember. Tonight my sons and I rode the train to Speed Street with my brother, sister-in-law and 3 nephews. We rode from Pineville to downtown Charlotte where many streets were blocked off for fun events for the whole family.....or so they billed it. I have been to "Speed Street" in years past and have had a great time. But I always left by 7 p.m. That is the time I designate for when the rednecks and drunks come out. Well tonight didn't quite work out the way we planned. We arrived downtown around 4:45 p.m. to meet my mom at her office. Both my SIL and I didn't really want to go up to the 30th floor, but we knew our mom would want to show off her grandsons so we went. About 5 minutes later we see the fire alarm lights flashing - no alarm - so we thought it was a mistake. No mistake. There was smoke on the 27th floor and everyone in the building was being evacuated. Now, I worked in that same building for 5 years and my mother for almost 10 and this has never, EVER happened. So off we went. My mom guiding the two older boys down 30 flights, my poor brother carrying my youngest and his middle child (who are 5 months apart) in each arm, I'm carrying the stroller and my shoes, and my poor pregnant sister in law carrying her youngest who is a year old. It's a story right out of the Hallmark Channel I tell you. What a nightmare. Our kids did fantastic even though they were scared and were covering their ears because of the announcer saying "PLEASE EVACUATE THE BUILDING! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY" Thankfully they didn't have the visions of planes flying into the building as my sister-in-law, brother and I did. My poor sister in law. I prayed for her all the way down. As we reached the bottom I wavered between being so thankful and cursing the fact that I ran that morning....my calves were killing me! So, that behind us, we moved on to dinner at Fuel Pizza. Thirty minutes after ordering, we realized they put our Extra Large 19" pizza on the shelf to serve by the slice. My mom was "livid" (her words). As we waited for our pizza, my youngest nephew, little Conley fell and ended up with a golf ball sized bump on his head. Again, my poor sister in law. More prayers and I swear if she could drink I would have bought her a beer. We did end up getting our dinner for free. I mean, we were order number #1 with no other customers.....why they dumped our pizza in the "serve by the slice case" is beyond me. On to Speed Street. Unfortunately by now the crowds were thick and loud and tipsy and smoking. My sister in law and I were never so thankful to be married, with children, and happy to be in bed by 9 p.m. We walked to find the Home Depot tent where the kids can build cars. By the time we got there they were just closing. I thought my oldest was going to cry. Enough free stuff, smoke and people around who, quite frankly, scared the crap out of me - we were heading home. The kids did at least get to see the professional bike and skateboarders on this huge ramp and a lot of cool cars......anyway. Lots of free stuff too: M&M's, Go-Gurt, ziploc bags, key chains, race car driver posters, etc. We went to the 7th street station and got on the train. After sitting there for 5 minutes, a guy came on and said "this train is out of service". Ok, we moved over to the next one. Sat on that for a few minutes when the conductor came on and said "this train is out of service". I thought my brother was going to pummel him to the floor. Ok. We'll walk, I said. We walked about a city block, caught the next train and rode about another city block to my mom's office. My mom and my husband (who decided to walk anyway) met us there - and had been waiting for us over 10 minutes. "Where have you been?" my husband decided to say. My sister in law was sweet and decided to explain in a funny way what happened. I just glared at him. We all went to the potty and rode the train home like sardines to I-485, where we were greeted by a throng of young people standing in line to buy tickets for the train to ride to "Speed Street". Save your money, I felt like telling them.....you know, you can DRIVE there....and it's so NOT worth it! That's our lovely night. I am praying hard for my sister in law, whom I love and worry about being pregnant with a night like tonight. I know she can handle it - I can't, but she can. I have 2 buck chucks to help me! She has a positive attitude. On my way home I saw a guy in a convertible Mercedes worth about $85,000. His license plate read " GPA 1.5". It made me laugh out loud. Even through this rough night, I am thankful to have a brother and sister that I love, and 3 nephews with one on the way that I adore. Even as bad as this night was, I still wouldn't trade it because I got to spend time with them. I just pray we all can walk tomorrow....and that my brother at some point will regain full use of his arms!

Back among the living!

We have been without Internet and cable for the last 2 days.....that's right - 2 WHOLE DAYS! I realize there are far worse problems to have, so I am amazed at what these last 2 days have done to me. I guess I look at cable and internet access as basic necessities - like food, water and shelter. So when these things are absent in my life, I tend to get a little cranky. When did I ever get to the point in my life that I believed to the soul of my being that I DESERVED to have cable and internet - that it was my God given right? Wow. I am shocked at how crabby I have been, and how much I had to hold my tongue with the young kid on the phone at Time Warner Cable when he told me how long it was going to be to get it fixed....and then tried to sell me their business service. These last 2 days have brought out the "dark side" in me (as the emperor would say from Star Wars). I have been like an addict going through withdrawls. Angry, sad, out of touch and feeling lost. I am disappointed in myself to be quite honest with you. Disappointed that I depend so much on these things; disappointed that I got so angry when they weren't working; disappointed that my husband and I along with our children used this as a good reason to do something constructive. Yes, that may sound odd to you, but I am disappointed that the first time in over a year my husband did a marriage devotional together was last night......because he wasn't checking weather on the internet and I wasn't watching t.v. God has taught me a lot these last two days. I realized through this that I check email and news way too often. I realized the most likely place for my children to find me most times is in front of the computer. I also realized that I need to limit how much time I spend in front of the computer, and how much time our family spends in front of the t.v. I actually am thankful God allowed my cable and internet to be out for a couple days. To be honest, I wouldn't mind if He allowed it again......just not this weekend please Dear God. I need to regain my sanity back!

Whew!

God bless my sister in law for having 4 kids! After this weekend I am more convinced than ever that God gave her many more skills than He did me and a part of me is jealous, while a bigger part of me is thankful!

We truly had so much fun spending time with our 2 nephews this weekend. Our sons love their cousins and since my husband and I didn't grow up with our cousins, it's an added bonus for us to watch them all together. They are all as close as brothers and I pray it always stays that way.

Friday afternoon we rode bikes and had a little adventure with a turtle. Here are the pictures:

One of the landscape guys in our complex found a turtle and saw us all outside playing and brought it to us. We took it to the back of the neighborhood where there is a pond and set it free....he wasn't too happy about the ride there in the bucket though! Yikes! Each boy reached in and touched it's shell then promptly withdrew his hand with a "ewww". All four waved goodbye to our little friend then watched him crawl through the tall grass to his new home.

I'm amazed at how different all boys are. Their personalities, their abilities....it's amazing. I don't know how any one can look at a child and then say "there is no God". There truly is a God. And I am so thankful to Him today for giving me two boys and 3 nephews and a brother and sister in law that I love. And a husband who loves my family as it were his own. What a great, and exhausting weekend!

I now know how wars are started

Before I begin, let me just say I have the great pleasure (and I do mean pleasure) of keeping 2 of my 3 nephews this weekend. They are 5 and 3. That means in my apartment right now I have a 7 and a 5 year old and two 3 year olds. I will blog about the joys of that soon, but for now I will just concentrate on posting what has transpired in the last few hours since picking them up. Boys like to argue and they also like to copy one another. Boys ask many, many, many questions - all at one time. Boys like to compete against each other. Some of the conversations these boys have had are these: "I want the red cup. No I want the red cup. I want a blue popsicle. So do I. Stop singing. Stop making farting noises. Make the farting noises louder. Turn the music down. Turn the music up, I can't hear it. Let's ride bikes. (5 minutes later) Let's play golf. (5 minutes later) Let's play baseball. (5 minutes later) Let's go inside." When my oldest wants a yogurt, one by one the rest of them have to have a yogurt. When he wants Sunny D, the rest of them want Sunny D, even though I have already poured them milk.....which they asked for first by the way. In the last 30 minutes I have gone through half a bottle of Resolve cleaning up mud that was tracked in on the carpet and yogurt that was spilled. These last few hours have made me realize why wars get started. 1.) Someone (older no doubt) thinks it's a great idea and others follow, or 2.) Someone wants something the other one has and that person won't give it up. And in the end.....it's a woman that has to clean up the mess.

If Mamma ain't happy....

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God." Ecc. 3:11-13 I've heard that saying a lot since becoming a mother "If Mamma ain't happy, then no one is happy". I guess that can be true most times. But what about the reverse? What if the rest of the family isn't happy - do you think that translates to happiness for me? Certainly not. I'm having one of those days when my over-worked, tired husband is grumbling (from the office because he is still there), my oldest is upset about something trivial to me but huge to him, and my youngest is whining in his normal 3 year old tone. All the while I hear thoughts in my head "what am I doing wrong? maybe if I let the kids play outside for 10 more minutes, maybe if I acted happy on the phone when my husband said he wasn't going to be home for dinner....again, maybe if I fixed them frozen pizza instead of a home cooked meal, maybe, maybe, maybe." Wait. Since when did it become my responsibility to make them happy? Sure, I love to see my children laughing and my husband smiling, and I do everything in my power to see that happen - but it's not my responsibility. Enough of my joy gets stolen when I see their unhappy faces, but to add to that a sense of "this is my fault" is ridiculous. I don't know when that started for me - probably in childhood being the firstborn and always wanting things "just so". I can deal with their hurts and disappointments better when I am not emotionally wrapped up with guilt for something I didn't cause. When the weight of relieving their sadness or anger is lifted off of my shoulders and placed on the One who can truly comfort them, I am then able to do what God has called me to do in their lives. I am not God and I shouldn't try to be. Lord, please care for my family as only you can. Help me to do what you have called me to do in their lives and keep my emotions under wraps. May the gift of a satisfied life be given to my husband and both of my children by you.

Weekend Update

(you can read this in the voice of Kevin Nealon from Saturday Night Live, but it's not mandatory) God certainly heard all my prayers, and the prayers of faithful friends, when we cried out for my all important Mothers Day/Birthday Weekend to be spared. Ok, before I get into sacrilege.... God did hear our prayers and I had the best weekend I can ever remember. Other than missing out on Mother's Day brunch at my son's preschool, and lunch with two very good friends (which we will reschedule), the rest of the weekend went almost as planned. My father in law called both me and my husband telling us to go ahead with our dinner plans - that he and "Grandma" were so looking forward to having the boys. "If something changes for the worse, we'll call you". Well thankfully nothing did and we had a great dinner, just the two of us, at one of my favorite "dress up nice" places - Bentley's on 27th downtown. The next morning we were up bright and early for my oldest son's baseball game - which the grandparents brought them to. We watched them play - and win - a fantastic game then we headed over to the mall for lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. We had a great mothers day Saturday with my in-laws and stuffed ourselves silly. After we got home, husband and youngest took a nap while my oldest and I went on a long bike ride - just the two of us. About half-way through he turns to me and says "I like this Mom. Just you and me." I like it too, was my reply. The next morning I awoke to my two boys crawling in our bed with beautiful cards their Daddy had bought to have them sign, and also cards my oldest had made. Husband then said we could skip church and sleep in as most of us were suffering from something (stuffy head, congestion, wretched back). He then went to McDonalds for breakfast and came back with a dozen pink roses for me (my favorite color). I felt bad calling my mom to say we were sleeping in, but she was so happy as she wanted a day to sleep in too. It worked out all the way around, and tonight I got to cap it all off with dinner out with my MOPS friends. Thank you Lord for sparing my weekend!

Even the best laid plans......

Well today just isn't going as I had planned. This, as you know, is my birthday/Mother's Day weekend (as I like to call it). So today I was going to enjoy a Mother's Day brunch my son's preschool class was having for the moms, followed by lunch with two friends (we've been trying to schedule this for over a year) and then dinner out with my husband. The boys were going to be spending the night at their grandparents - yes, I was truly looking forward to this day for some time. The pesky little virus that entered my youngest child's system had other plans for me today. I awoke to my oldest's footsteps running into our bedroom saying "jc threw up!" "Great" I thought. And with those words went the rest of my day. So we're spending the day curled up on the couch under a blanket and watching Dora and Diego. Thankfully he hasn't thrown up any more and is acting more and more like himself with each passing minute. He really wants to go to Grandma and Grandpa's. Grandma and Grandpa really want them to come. I don't feel right about sending him - my oldest, yes; my sick one, no. What if he has a virus that can spread. My husband agrees. So, what should we do? What would you do?

364 days left

I have only 364 days left of my thirties as I turn 39 today. My thirties have been wonderful - even with all the added pounds! I can only pray my 40's will be as joyful and fulfilling. What will they bring? What new things will I learn? What will God show me? I'm excited! Speaking of learning new things.....I'm at work today and found out one of my friends that I work with has a birthday tomorrow. As long as I have known him, I never knew his birthday was the day after mine. How silly that we didn't know that! Today will be a great day - even though I am at work - and my oldest is with me running a fever - and it's raining.....it's still a great day. Birthday are a wonderful time to reflect back on all the wonderful things the Lord has blessed me with this year. I am grateful for each and every one.

One door closes....and another one opens

Two years full of fear, hard work, much prayer and tremendous blessings came to an end for me last night as I coordinated my last MOPS meeting for our church. What a wonderful evening it was, full of great food, fun and a wonderful message of how God does extra ordinary things in the lives of ordinary people. How those words rang true for me last night. My wonderful friends that I have led with put together a fun video and scrapbook for me to remember all our hard work and lots of laugher these last two years. When I began this journey, I knew in my heart that God wanted me to do this, and yet I kept questioning his choice in me. My conversations with him then went something like this: Me: I can't do this God, the task is too big. God: You can't do it, but I can. Me: Why God? Why me? Surely there is someone else more suited for this position. God: I have chosen you. Me: Why me? Why did you choose me? Here are some other people you should consider....... God: I chose you because I want you to grow. Me: How does putting me into a position I feel so ill-equipped for going to "grow" me? I feel even less of a person now than I ever did before. God: You're going to grow through this because you will have to trust me. You cannot do this on your own - only with my help will you be successful. Your trusting in me more is all I am interested in. Me: I'd rather just stay in my little safety zone. God: It takes zero faith to stay there. Trust me. And trust him I did. He also sent a lot of wonderful sisters my way that have changed my life. Nancy, Sarah, Camille, Debbie, Dawn, Christy, Jen, Leslie, Ally, Karen, Erin...so many wonderful people. I have learned so much from each of them - I could never put into words how much I love them. Two years ago God pruned me like a vineyard. I felt helpless and was so afraid of the tasks he had put before me; I felt totally bare. Today, as I have handed those tasks over to friends whom I completely trust with it, I know much fruit has been born of that pruning. Not in the activities I did or the tasks I completed, but in the work that God has completed in me. My heart is full of joy over the changes he has made in me and I feel much like an azalea bush that has come to life - full of deep green leaves and bright vibrant flowers. I don't know what the Lord will ask me to do next, but I do know one thing. The next time I tell him I can't - he's going to say "remember MOPS". Thank you God for your unfailing faithfulness. Thank you God for wonderful friends who have enriched my life more than I ever could have imagined. Thank you God, for You.

A Divine Appointment

After a long work out this morning, I decided to treat myself to my favorite bowl of soup and salad at a restaurant and read a magazine (after showering, of course!). I thoroughly enjoyed eating by myself in silence (as much as this makes my friends sad for some reason) and I noticed there was a gentleman sitting at the booth next to me by himself working on a laptop. As he finished and was getting up to leave, he smiled at me and asked me if I was enjoying my lunch. We made small talk for a while and he told me he was working on a book on divine healing. That peaked my interest, as I often wonder why we don't hear more about this, so I asked him about it. We talked for about 20 minutes - more him talking and me listening. It wasn't long into the conversation before I realized that this was a divine appointment - not a chance encounter. We talked about obedience - something I am a firm believer in. I admit I don't obey as much as I know I should - I tend to talk my way out of things. But I believe with all my heart that the simple act of obedience is a giant step in changing your life. This father of 4 grown children also gave me some much needed advice on prayer over our family and the importance of it. It was during this part of the conversation I realized how much I miss the presence of my father, and how desperately I needed to hear the words this man was saying to me. Roger, wherever you are, thank you for taking the time to speak to me today. Thank you for listening to our heavenly father and opening up a conversation he wanted you to start. Thank you for not bowing down to fear or being introverted and asking me how my lunch was. I know God loves me, for I saw him today. I know he hears my prayers and knows my struggles for I heard his voice today. And he used this kind man as a vehicle. May he be blessed because of it. How's that for radical!