Family Fun

One of the things I love most about Christmas is being able to spend time with our families. With my 2 boys and my brothers 3 boys, it's a lot of fun around our house when we are together. Christmas was definitely that way. We also all took the new Lynx train from I485 to downtown to have lunch with my mom. To watch all those boys sit quietly on the train was so cute - it's the quietest I had seen them all week! We enjoyed the ride and then had pizza at Fuel pizza and walked around through Overstreet Mall to see the shops and the Leonard Bearstein bears perform. They loved it and were completely worn out by the end of the day. The best part was they spent the night. Needless to say the house was a disaster the next morning and, low and behold, we get a phone call that someone wants to see the house. Great! But not so great as I looked around - every room was a mess! We got it picked up and rushed the kids to Chic-fil-A. What a great week!

Panic

I got a call no one wants to get when your family is away - there has been an accident. Thankfully the next words were "we're ok". My husband and oldest son have been visiting family in upstate New York and got into a fender bender this morning. No one was hurt, except for the car and thankfully it is still drive able. I am now ready more than ever to have them home. I wish I can say when they left the only thoughts I had were of what a wonderful time this would be for the 2 of them, but honestly I was thinking the worst. Things like if they got in a car accident and I was with them we all could go to heaven together; what if he took both children and risked losing everyone.....junk like that. And it is junk - it's the stuff the devil wants so badly for you to fear that it keeps your feet planted, unable to move. It's moments like this that I realize I am not in control. It's hard as a mother of young children to realize that, because so much of what I do with them involves my control. But their health, well being, and ultimately their lives does not fall under my control. It's God's. I awoke this morning with the urge to pray - not desire, not "oh I should do this" - the urge. God knew this was going to happen and maybe, just maybe he wanted me to be in the right mindset to handle it. I don't know if my prayers of protection for them changed anything this morning, but it certainly changed my heart to be so thankful that they are o.k.

Daddy to the rescue

There are times when I am truly grateful that the Lord made the man the head of the house. As much as I think I can handle everything on my own, sometimes I can't, and this past weekend was one of those times. We have been struggling with our 3 year old of late. He goes through great patches of obedience and good behavior and then the bottom drops out. Friday it dropped and took me with it. He challenged me on everything all day long: what pants to wear, what shirt, socks too short, underwear too long, he wanted to turn the light on - not me, Buzz Lightyear cup - not Lightening McQueen, milk not juice. My poor husband called to see where I was around 5 p.m. as I was supposed to meet him to drop off his car at the shop. We were late, as usual, because I was arguing (and spanking) my 3 year old after growing tired of negotiating. See, I don't believe you should negotiate with your kids. There are times when I redirect, times when I give in, but most times if I tell my kids to do something I expect them to do it. Immediately. No "in a minute" or "hold on" or "but Mooommmmmm". My 3 year old has yet to understand this about me and it causes a great amount of frustration between us. Back to my husband. He calls and hears the exhaustion in my voice and states that this was the last straw. Once we got there, he took the kids, I came home. He had a long talk with the 3 year old and when he arrived home my son promptly said "I'm sorry I made you cry Mommy". My husband also took him to work with him that Saturday and dealt with him all weekend. Any problems that arose, he took the lead. God I love him! Come Monday morning my 3 year old was a new child. He was sweet and obedient - it was like another child took over his body. He was back to saying "are you happy mommy?" We still have our challenges, but after a weekend with Daddy in control, things are at least back on the right track.

Mixed Emotions

I am struggling a little bit today. I love this time of year and yet, the excitement that I have is always tempered with some sadness. I watched and listened today as our wonderful choir and orchestra put on a beautiful performance. The songs of joy for our sweet Savior's birth were inspiring. It has just been in the last few years that I can actually attend a performance like that. My father was a music minister and he loved putting together the Christmas and Easter musicals for our church. Some of the sweetest memories I have are of him sitting in his chair with his huge headphones on going over the music again and again. Since he has gone to be with the Lord, these performances, Christmas particularly, are very hard for me, as it was shortly after his Christmas musical that my father passed away. So the last few years that I have been able to make it through the performance, I am overwhelmed by the beautiful sounds, and yet hold back the tears because I always picture my dad up there directing. Even as I listened to the words of the songs I was overcome with the same sadness for Jesus. The truth of the matter is that Jesus did come as a sweet little boy, much like mine. But how he lived, and died so young, and so brutally......joy of His birth, sadness for His death. And yet, His death and resurrection, holds the key of hope for all who believe. So it is joy mixed with sadness that I feel this time of year. As I get older though, I am appreciative of every day I have with my family and every blessing the Lord has given me. For we don't know what tomorrow brings, but it is the hope that only comes from Jesus' birth, death and resurrection that we cling to.

God's patience and our obedience

"With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." 2 Peter 3:8-9 My husband had an opportunity to do something yesterday that God laid on his heart to do almost 2 years ago. When God originally asked my husband to do this, he was willing to do it, but this particular request involved several other people. Trying to get these people together all in one place, my husband's work schedule, and lack of preparation time were just some of the reasons why it took almost 2 years for this to get done. There were times that he felt he was deliberately disobeying the Lord because of the time that had passed. There are times in our lives when circumstances prevent us from answering God's call immediately. There are also other times when we place our hands over our ears like a child and scream "I can't hear you.....I'm not listening....la,la,la,la...." because we don't want to do what He asks of us. Whatever the reasons, I have found in my own life that it is ME that misses out on the biggest blessings of my life for delaying a response to the Lord. I teach my children 1st time obedience (I ask just once and you obey immediately), but how often I fail in responding to my heavenly Father. If your phone was ringing and you knew the person calling you was going to be a long lost loved one you hadn't spoken to in years, or a daughter who had run away, or a child that was missing, or the bank saying they just put a million dollars in your account just for being a great customer, you would answer it immediately! How much greater than these are the rewards when we answer God's call, and yet, we let it ring. God is patient, and He will keep calling. But if we pick up the phone and immediately slam it down, He will eventually stop.

Sunday Solice

The youngest woke up with a severe head cold so we stayed home while Daddy and the oldest went to church. After playing numerous games of Chutes and Ladders and watching the Grinch with him, I finished up (and started) some projects for Christmas - gifts for friends, invitations for parties, prizes for our MOPS meeting this week. I know it's only December 2nd, but I am not stressed - which is a miracle. Normally by now I have a tremendous amount of anxiety for numerous reasons. So I am thankful that even though there is a lot going on, I am not stressed. The children's gifts are already bought, the decorations are up, the cards are ordered and the events are planned. There is still lots to be done, but for the first time in many years I am enjoying the season instead of constantly saying "I hate this time of year". I wish I could say what is different this year. Maybe it's because I got a jump on things early. Maybe it's because I'm less concerned about what people think of me and my gift (or party, or house, or whatever) and more concerned about staying in a budget and that it really is the thought that counts. Maybe it's because I have friends who are dealing with a lot more than I am this year and my thoughts and prayers have been focused on them. Whatever the reason, I am thankful for the peace and joy that has draped over me this holiday season. It is the peace and joy I am sure God wants us to have every day of the year.

Baby Shower!

We had a baby shower for our good friend Christy last night. What a great time we had. Delicious cake from Edible Art (that is the heaviest, most yummiest cake I have ever had). It's great to be around such loving and fun girls. We ate and talked and ate some more, and Christy got a lot of cute stuff for her new baby girl that is on the way.

I attempted my first diaper cake this week. It's basically diapers wrapped and tied with ribbon shaped to look like a cake. I added some pacifiers, socks and other things to it. I had a great time doing it so here is a picture of it.

Turning off the t.v.

Ok, needless to say my kids have watched a lot of t.v. in the past week. With both of them throwing up and then running fevers, it's not like they had much strength to do anything else. So we let them watch movies and t.v. more than normal. Well it obviously was a little too much for my 3 year old. Case in point - the boys watched SpongeBob several times. I know some parents think this cartoon is awful. I don't have a problem with my oldest watching it occasionally, but it's hard for my 3 year old not to watch it when big brother is tuned in. That's where the problem began. This morning my youngest was on the floor with me getting ready to open the Chutes and Ladders box when it got stuck. He looked at it inquisitively and said "What the?" Thankfully no 4 letter word came after. Just "What the?" It may seem funny to some, but it's not going to win me any "Mother of the Year" awards. So instead of flipping out, I calmly said "let's not say that honey. It doesn't sound good". Well, of course, his response was "Well what can I say instead? I can't say Oh My God because Jesus isn't happy when I say that. So what else can I say?" Did I tell you he was a 13 year old trapped in a 3 year old's body? And yes, he has said oh my God before, hence his response. So the only think I could think to say was that he could say oh my goodness if he feels the need, but it's best just to ask Mommy for help. I'll check in Dobson's book "Parenting the Strong-Willed Child" tonight to see if my response was correct!

Thanksgiving Day

Today has to be one of my favorite holidays. Maybe because it's the only one that hasn't been hijacked by the secular world and turned into something it wasn't ever meant to be. It's a time for families to get together without the stress of buying gifts that will soon be sent to Goodwill. It also is a time for reflection on what we are thankful for. I am thankful for so many things this year, and I will list them in another post. But when I am thankful, I know who I am thankful TO. I often wonder about the people that don't believe in our Lord and Savior. Sure, they can still be thankful, but shouldn't there be an object to which they should be thankful to? Are they thankful to themselves for picking good friends, making wise career choices, and exercising regularly? I am thankful to my husband for all he does and all he means to me, but I am thankful to the Lord for bringing him into my life. I am thankful to my moms for all they add to my life, but I am thankful to the Lord who allowed me to be born to my mom and dad and gave me another mom through marriage. The root of all thankfulness should begin with our Father in heaven. "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

Answers to Prayer

A sweet woman in our church had brain surgery on Tuesday. There was a prayer gathering for her on Monday night, the auditorium of our church was left available for those that wanted to pray on Tuesday during the surgery (one woman stayed the entire time), morning bible studies voluntarily stopped doing their studies and prayed for her. There were many more events of prayer, both corporate and those of us that prayed all day long from wherever we were. Julie not only made it through the surgery, she did unbelievable! All her neurological signs are still as normal and she is even cracking jokes. This is the 2nd time in less than 6 months someone I know has gone in for brain surgery. Each time, our church has answered the call to pray for these loved ones. And I mean did they pray! What a wonderful blessing to witness what God can do when He hears our requests. God is great and very present in our lives. Those that don't see Him need only to open their eyes.

Thankfulness

For the first time in what seems like weeks, I feel like I can breathe. No one is throwing up, in pain or calling out for me. Everyone is in their own beds and sound asleep. Tonight I am thankful. I am thankful for a mother and mother in law whose help I didn't truly appreciate until it wasn't there. Thankful for dear friends who covered a meeting for me today, called to check on me and my family, and took in cupcakes and juice boxes to my oldest sons 2nd grade class in my absence. How grateful I am for the people God has placed in my life. How great is our God. Tonight as I am thankful, I also am deeply weighed by someone I know who is going in for major surgery tomorrow. My thoughts and prayers are with her, her sweet family, and her sister in law whom I consider one of my best friends. I don't know why God has allowed this into their lives, but I know how great He is. I know how awesome He is. I know that tomorrow, He will be with the surgeon, her physical, spiritual, and emotional body, and with her family. I know that God has a purpose, and I know He will use this to His glory. Please pray for Julie and her family as they embark on this journey together.

Stomach Bug....round 2

My youngest had the stomach bug last week, beginning at 2 a.m. Sunday morning my oldest got it. Just when I thought the youngest was over his bout, along came round number 2 for him at 2 p.m. yesterday. It has been a whirlwind week - of which I have spent zero days in my own bed. Thankfully the Lord has protected me and my husband from this garbage so that we could care for our boys. Yesterday was one of those days I wish I could clone myself. Both my boys wanted their mom and I could only be in one place at a time. Plus I was sure I was carrying it back and forth so I decided to stick close to the youngest and Daddy played nursemaid to the oldest. How awful to see your kids so sick. I think we are through the worst of it (praying). All the things we had planned for this weekend went right out the window and you know what, it's ok. We're eating lots of crackers and drinking lots of ginger ale (my youngest calls it spicy! I think he means fizzy). It's times like this you are thankful to just be able to take a shower (I won't confess how long it's been), or to have your kids argue with each other. My oldest asked me today if he and his brother would be well enough to play together tomorrow. It's sweet how much they miss each other, even though they are just in separate rooms. So today I am thankful. I never thought I would say that during a time like this, but I am. I am thankful the Lord has kept me healthy, thankful that this too shall pass, thankful that my boys actually miss each other and my youngest was crying that he couldn't play with his older brother this morning. And I am so thankful I have a God that I can lay my burdens down on. A loving Father who holds my hand down every journey, and carries me when I don't have the strength to take another step. (And thankful that this morning I actually was able to shower!) :)

Derailed

I've struggled to write this post over the last several days. Actually, I have struggled to write anything at all the last week! The last several weeks I have struggled spiritually. I feel far away from the Lord I love, I have no desire to read my Bible and to pray. I've even struggled to complete my bible study homework. I can look back on my life and see the times I have felt like this. Normally something major happens and instead of digging in my heels and praying through it, I grow distant and want to control things myself. "God's not working fast enough" I can hear myself saying. Trust dims and I revert back to sin. We've had a lot going on the last several months - house up for sale, job changes, sickness....so much sickness. It's still nothing compare to what a few of my friends are going through, but that doesn't negate the struggle I have been having. I guess this is a confession of sorts, but I'm wondering what derails you? What gets you back on track? For me, I am thankful I have the involvement of bible study, MOPS and church commitments. These things are boundaries that keep me in check. Even when I don't feel like it, I have to do these things. Even if I don't feel like praying, I am in the presence of someone who does. We all go through times when we feel distant to God. Thankfully, when we seek Him out, He's always there.

A Pooh Bear kinda day

My 3 year old came down with the stomach bug late Wednesday night, so yesterday we spent on the pull out couch in the playroom watching Winnie the Pooh all day. It's days like these that I am reminded that nothing I have to do, or want to do, is really all that important. When one of our children is sick, everything on the "to do" list gets thrown out the window. We did manage to go see my oldest sing in his school musical. They did a great job, as always, and my son was dead center so I got to see him perfectly.

Family Night at Preschool

Last night was Family Night at my youngest's preschool. He and his class sang "Hot Potato" from the Wiggles and it was adorable. All the classes did a fantastic job and it was such a blessing to see how much our children have grown and learned so far this year. Bonus points to my son's teachers who gave them lollipops to keep their mouths busy for the rest of program!

A Proud Daughter

"Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devils schemes." Ephesians 6:11 My son had to recite Eph. 6:13-17 last week in school (yes, the whole thing!). This verse came to my mind a lot this week as I watched my mother go through an unrelenting series of physical, emotional, and spiritual attacks. After being struck with a large kidney stone that wouldn't pass, she went through a series of hospital and doctors visits that are still not over. The Lord was with us through that process as I have written about earlier, but seeing my mother in that much pain was difficult. On top of the physical battles she has waged over the last week, she has had to deal with emotional turmoil as well. Her last annual homeowners meeting was last night. My mother is on the board of this association and they were electing a new board. Being the president of this association for her has not only been a thankless job, but due to one person in her community, it has become abusive. My mother has had to change her phone number due to threatening phone calls, post police officers at every meeting, enlist an attorney to handle the threats by mail; she cannot walk in her community or enjoy the pool. This woman is unstable and her presence has taken a lot of joy out of the home in which my mother has worked so hard to live in. My family has begged her to resign from the board over the last 2 years due to the stress she is under. She refuses. The only reason she gives is because she doesn't want her community to be run by idiots and she made the commitment to be on the board. So last night I watched my mother, so weak physically she was shaking, head out to the meeting. She easily could have let the other board members run the meeting - she had a valid excuse for not being there. But she didn't. She put on her armor of God and headed out - her prayer warriors doing their job by praying for her every moment during the meeting. Other warriors came to her side on cue - my husband showing up to give her support, a friend on the board who stood arm and arm with her, a police officer who told the unstable woman to shut up and sit down when she started getting out of control, and God the Almighty One who gave my mother strength to "extinguish the flaming arrows of the evil one". She made it through the meeting, even having to listen to verbal attacks, and cried from relief upon arriving home. The enemy roams this dark world - don't think for one minute that he doesn't. The Lord wouldn't have instructed us so eloquently in Ephesians 6 how to put on the armor of God if He didn't know that we would need it or if He didn't expect us to use it. You don't need the armor if you stay in your house all day and don't get involved. You don't need armor if you say "it's not my problem" and walk away. You don't need the armor if you don't listen to what He wants of you and obey Him - even if it's out of your comfort zone. As I watched my mom last night I was overcome with pride as her daughter. She could have walked away and said "it's not worth it", but she didn't. She has stood strong when most would have given in, and God has honored her for it. She put on the armor the way God intended and set out into battle - and she won. Her victory wasn't met with waving banners, applause, and a victory celebration as it should have been. No, her victory was just in the knowledge that she finished the race God asked her to run. And at this finish line she was met with open arms of a Father who loves her, and an extremely proud daughter who won't soon forget this life lesson exemplified by her mom.

Our Superheros!

Halloween was much fun last night! Perfect night to go out.

Batman and Robin are my two nephews, while the Panther player and Superman are ours!

Eating cupcakes at Grandmas.....

What a stash! Wonder how long it will take us to eat all that?

A clarification of sorts

I have mentioned a few times on this blog about the fact that we are moving and that the neighborhood is part of the reason. I have been burdened by the fact that a comment like that could be construed as something wrong with the neighborhood, when in fact, the problem (if you want to call it that) is really me. I have allowed several things that have happened in this neighborhood to keep me inside and distance myself from others. I'm not saying there isn't a time when you have to do that, because there is. But by my distance, I have missed a lot of opportunities - a lot. Opportunities to overlook the bad and see the good, opportunities to help a neighbor who lost her dad, has a sick child, or just needs a shoulder to lean on. Most importantly, opportunities for people to see God through me. If Jesus looked at me the way I look at my neighbors at times, there would be no hope for me. If Jesus only looked at the mistakes I make, the temper I have or the lack of judgement I possess he would turn the other way. But He doesn't. He loves me - knowing everything, EVERYTHING, He never turns away. He took my cross and carried the weight of my sin and paid the price for me. All He asks is that I love my neighbor - is that so hard? I pray the Lord will forgive me and help me correct my ways, be it in this neighborhood or the next. That's what grace is, right? And where would I be without His grace.

Another thing I've learned

After spending this weekend at the hospital and doctor's offices with my sick mom, I was struck at how compassionate perfect strangers were to us. My mother was so sick upon arrival to the urologist that she threw up several times. Thankfully she made it to a trash can each time, but in each case someone came by to help. One even offered to get her a wheelchair and another offered to sit with her while I got the car. These were complete strangers! I'll be completely honest here, whenever I see someone that sick I run the other way. I immediately think stomach virus and my innate need to protect myself kicks in overdrive. I have learned a lot over this last weekend. It has made me examine my own actions and how I would respond to a person in need. How is God going to use me if I am so concerned about myself? I need to do what God asks of me and let Him worry about the rest.

God's in the circumstances...all of them

I have been studying Esther, which is a great story on how involved God is in our daily lives and how He orchestrates the circumstances of our lives to bring Him glory. I am so thankful that He allowed me to witness this firsthand over the weekend. One of my best friend's and I each have been dealing with a health issue of our mothers this past week - her mother is in rehab after falling and breaking several bones; mine was struck with a large kidney stone that was too large to pass. If you've ever been in charge of the well being of another person, you know you need help in making the right decisions on their behalf. In each of our cases, the Lord helped us. My friend had to visit several rehab hospitals before choosing which would be the best for her mom. She honestly had no idea what to look for and was concerned. The very day she was going to visit these hospitals, 2 of the 3 were unreachable due to large traffic accidents in the area. The only one she was able to visit was the one where her mother is now and is happy with it. She gives complete credit to the Lord for making the decision for her. My mother spent one night in the ER and then was sent home with a doctor's number to call the next day to be seen. As I stood in my mother's home trying to reach this doctor, I couldn't get through. Over and over I tried, knowing how bad my mother felt and that she needed to be seen today. I closed my eyes and asked the Lord silently to help me make this decision as to what to do next. I opened my eyes and called my own doctor. They got her in that afternoon, scheduled surgery for the next day and took complete care of her. My mother had the last procedure to break up the stone this morning. After all she's been through (and it's been a lot over 5 days), she slowly gets in the car whispering "thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus". She has been so grateful through this process to see His work. From the people in the next bed in pre-op who were praying that brought us comfort even if they weren't praying for us, to the nursing staff at Charlotte Urology and Dr. O'Neill's office for their quick actions and compassion, to the numerous strangers who offered to help in any way they could because they could see the pain my mom was in. God works, and often He uses people like us to do it.

Rain, Beautiful Rain!!

We finally got some much needed rain here and boy did it make a difference. The youngest was so happy I let him go outside and play in it. He loved it!

A Sickly Sunday

Well, my plans for this weekend were ruined by a nasty cold my husband and I got. So we didn't get to see Go Fish - which really upsets me because they got up close and my friends kids got to go on stage. I halfway tried to rationalize that I could make it and just try to sleep a lot today - but my husband was quick to tell me that my friends probably wouldn't appreciate me spreading my germs to their family. So we stayed home. Husband took the day off today and I really have appreciated the time we've got to spend together just him and I and the boys yesterday and today. Even through the sneezing, coughing, fevers and sore throats, it was nice just to hang out in our jammies as a family yesterday. My oldest was so excited today when he got home from school and his dad was already here. Pure joy on that kid's face! It was great to see, and great to have him home. What a difference a dad's presence makes in the life of a family. Especially mine.

Me vs. Rosie

I had a good friend of mine tell me the other day that she used to read Rosie O'Donnell's blog and now she reads mine instead. She said she felt better reading my blog than Rosies. I felt so touched by the fact that she reads my blog at all. My friend is such a sweet person and I love her. So a big shout out "Thanks!" to my friend who shall remain nameless or she will kill me for mentioning her name.

Full Friday

My youngest and I spent the day with my mom as she took the day off from work. It turned out to be a blessing when a routine car service turned into a major one and left me without my car for the day. Bummer. We ate at the Cheesecake Factory (my favorite!) and walked around the mall for a bit. I looked at clothes that hopefully one day soon I will be able to fit into. Not buying anything until I lose a few. My husband gave me great encouragement the other day when I was growing frustrated in not have the time to work out. He said that even on the weeks I don't get much of an opportunity to exercise, I still have 3 opportunities a day to effect my weight loss by what I eat. Good advice, and I have been taking it. So I ate well at the Factory and skipped the cheesecake (I know, seems a waste) but it was worth it just to go and eat the food and not feel stuffed sick. Poor husband is sick with a cold and my sore throat I fear is turning into something greater as my ears are starting to pop. My youngest has already had this junk so I am praying my oldest will be spared. It could be worse, I know. We had a showing this week which is great news and one over last weekend. In this market I am grateful for anything. I am debating whether or not to do something for the neighbors for halloween. I despise what this so called holiday has turned into, but I don't want to miss an opportunity to do something nice for my neighbors. I struggle with this so much. Last year we had those few families we knew on the street with small kids over for pizza before we went out. I'd like to do that again, but don't want to feel like I am excluding the rest of the street. Not sure what to do. The rain today was great but nowhere near the amount they predicted. It sure was great to leave this morning with the rain coming down. Thank you Lord for that! Tomorrow is baseball and Sunday is church then the Go Fish Guys concert in Concord with several of my friends and their kids. My boys are psyched about that! I am too. I love those guys and it should be a fun night. Well, I'm off to take my Tylenol p.m. in hopes of keeping this cold at bay...

Dig deeper

My girls and I have been studying the book of Esther and the other day we had a great discussion on the characteristics in a woman that God can use. We went through Esther's qualities of course, but I asked the girls what image popped into their mind when they thought of a woman God could use. It was interesting all of our responses: one who had lived a Godly life, could speak in public, no fear of social situations, well educated. As I go through this study, it is imperative to me that I erase any image I have of a woman God can use - because it's wrong. Whatever image that's in my head needs to be replaced with my face. Whatever image you have in your head needs to be replaced with your face. When God was forming you in your mother's womb in the likeness of his image, he placed in you qualities that were unique to you. He gave you a family that was part of His plan (whether you agree with it or not). He also allowed certain situations to enter your life - good and bad - that shaped you, and quite possibly are still shaping you. How it must break His heart when He asks us to do something and we so "oh no Lord, I can't do that. I'm not.....____" (good at speaking in public, educated enough, strong enough to handle rejection, pretty enough, thin enough, Godly enough - whatever that means). You fill in the blank with whatever perceived weakness is preventing you from obedience. I think about my 7 year old and what an awesome kid he is. How proud I am of him. He has such wonderful God given qualities that I so admire in him. How it would break my heart if he came to me and said "I can't do that Mom, I'm too short, or too shy, or too soft spoken" or whatever he saw as a weakness in himself. I would immediately contradict him with all of his strengths. How God must want to do that with us. "Oh child" he must want to say to us "you focus on what is wrong with you, but look at all I have placed in you. You have such great qualities - use them for my glory". The beauty of Esther is that it teaches us as women that God can use ANY of us. Esther didn't fit the picture of a woman God could use of her time. She lived with godless people instead of in Jerusalem, she concealed her nationality, she joined a harem and married outside of her faith. But God USED HER to save his people. Stop making excuses for why you can't do it. Ask God to give you strength and show you the qualities in yourself that he wants to use and cultivate them. And when He does, be ready to get your hands dirty. It takes some digging and watering and nurturing to mature that seed in you, and you just may have to step out of your comfort zone a little to do it.

Happy Birthday Rick!

Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband!

Baby Blessings

I had the pleasure of attending our baby dedication service at our church yesterday afternoon. There were 20 babies dedicated including 3 sets of twins! It was beautiful to see that many families who are committed to raising their children in Godly homes, and also so many that are part of our MOPS group. I was honored to be a part of this special afternoon and overjoyed that we are part of a church that helps us in raising our children. My friend Karen and her husband Lee had their little boy Austin dedicated yesterday. They struggled for years to add this sweet baby to their family and the Lord heard their prayers (and the prayers of so many that were praying for them). Austin has had some abnormal brain development since he was still in-utero. It is a wait and see game right now, with many of us praying that his brain will develop normally. The Lord continues to answer prayers and support this loving family. Karen and Lee are so positive and continue to focus on the good reports that come back - and there have been many. God has a plan for Austin and for whatever reason, this is part of it. This weekend I also went to see one of our MOPS moms whose baby is in the hospital. Little Caroline is 3 months old and weighs less than 7 lbs. She is the most alert, beautiful little girl and even with all the tubes hooked up to her, she is content. Her mom says she rarely cries in spite of all she has been through. As I walked into their room and saw this tiny baby hooked up to all this "stuff" my heart silently cried out to the Lord "why?". I secretly wondered where He was. But as I sat there and talked to little Caroline and her mom Kim, as I saw all the doctors, nurses and therapists come in, I felt the Lord's presence. I was so impressed with Kim. How she was so calm as she talked to the hospital staff and knew exactly what was going on with the monitors and i.v's. I asked her if she was a nurse before and she said "no, this is all the stuff I have learned since we've been here". It's hard not to question God when you see families you love go through difficult times. Especially babies. But God is there. He goes before each of us, and with these babies in particular, he cradles them in his loving arms and comforts them in ways we may never know. But sometimes God wants to show himself in other ways. That's what He uses us for. We are to show God's love in our actions and words. Jesus spoke that we are to "let our light shine before men, that they may see our good deeds and praise your Father in heaven" (Matt. 5:16). Not that we are to get credit, but that our Father can get credit. We are to hold these families, love them, and lift them up in prayer. In Matthew 7 verse 9, Jesus is also spoke about how we, who are evil by nature, still give our children what they want. How much more will our Father in heaven, who is all perfect and loving, give good gifts to us if we ask. So I pray for these families. That the Lord will hold them and love them, and give them strength and heal their children. I pray that these families in particular will feel God's presence both by what He does and what He does through others.

At home

Like most things, if I don't stay on top of it I get behind. I was amazed when I went to post this morning that it has been over a week since my last post! Yikes! I had every intention of taking an aerobics class this morning - even packing all my stuff to shower at church afterwards - and my youngest felt sick on the way there. So we're home where I will make every attempt to get a good workout in at here - although nothing beats Jenny's class at our church. I always feel great after that! The house is still up for sale and I feel sure it will sell if it is what the Lord wants for our family. I can honestly say we have no plan for now. I am taking each day as it comes and praying for wisdom and "light" for our steps as they come. I don't know what the Lord has planned for the coming weeks and months, but for right now we are taking it day by day. This is hard for me as I am a planner. The fact that my house is on the market and we have no idea what we are going to do when it sells is a huge step of faith for me. I do trust the Lord, and I guess that is why I don't really feel led to pray for anything else but His perfect will for our lives. We did have a family see it on Saturday, but otherwise it has been painfully slow. I am grateful that we don't have to sell it quickly - what an unbelievable stress that would be in this market. But at least the house is always clean and ready to show! Well I'm off to the elliptical machine while my little one is on the couch watching the new (old) Jungle Book movie. They actually quote scripture in that film. Ah, the good 'ol days!

Lazy Saturdays

I don't know what it is about having something on the calendar that gets cancelled at the last minute that gives me a sense of euphoria - but it does (is that a hint that maybe I am over-scheduled?). Today was one of those days. My son normally has a baseball game, but this Saturday my husband had already booked him for a golf clinic that couldn't be cancelled. We could have made the game but my son would have been worn out doing both. We opted to sleep in this morning and go to the golf thing only. It was awesome! My husband made paper airplanes with the oldest, while I and the youngest curled up on the couch under a blanket and watched Winnie the Pooh. He fell asleep and is still there now. As a matter of fact, I think I'll go join him in that nap! Man I love mornings like this!

God is in the small things

"Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." Luke 6:28 My oldest is in 2nd grade and has been having some issues during recess with his classmates. They have been playing football and there are a few boys that control the plays and leave several boys out - mine included. It's not that they don't choose him to play, it's that he never gets thrown the ball. This has gone on for a couple weeks, but yesterday my son was so bothered by it he wouldn't eat his dinner and finally broke down crying and told me how hurt he was. He went so far as to ask me to take him back to school so we could hide the football so they wouldn't have to play the next day. I prayed for wisdom and searched his devotional book for a topic that would address this (and no we didn't hide the football!). Thankfully the Lord gave me the devotional entitled "Prayers for Friends" from the "Gotta Have God" devotional. This particular devotion was about boys who were being mean. My son's friends were not being mean, just controlling and competitive - like some kids are. That's ok, unless you are on the receiving end of it and then it's not too fun. But as we read the devotional last night, I explained to him that there were many professional football players who never touch the football - most of them in fact. He had two choices - he could play with his friends - whether they passed the ball to him or not - to the best of his ability, and try and intercept the ball or play the best defense he could. Or he could play with his other friends who were not playing the game at all. It was his choice. At the end of our devotion time, I asked him to pray to God for recess tomorrow, and to pray for his friends. His prayer went something like this "Lord, please hide the football tomorrow so we won't have to play". Ok, not exactly what I was after, but that is what his heart felt so I didn't say anything. I went on to finish our prayer time praying for wisdom for my son to make the right choice during recess the next day. The next day I prayed for him all morning, and even drove by the playground when I thought he would be there. They had already gone in, but one of the boy's moms was outside and we talked for a bit (nothing major - but definitely God ordained that she was there). Later that day when my son came home, I asked him how recess went. He nonchalantly said that they had played soccer - they couldn't find the football. He went on to tell me what great plays he made defensively and as a goalie - he was so excited! That night during our devotion time, I reminded him that he had a lot to thank God for. That the God who created the universe thought of him today and helped him to have a great recess. So during his prayer, he thanked God for getting rid of the football. I secretly thanked Him too.

The mind of a 3 year old!

I love picking my 3 year old up from preschool. The discussion about his day that follows on the ride home is one of my favorite times of the week. Today he was showing me how baby sharks bite (by taking his forefinger and thumb and pressing them together) and how big sharks bite (by taking his whole arms and closing them together). After the shark lesson, he said he prayed to God today. I asked him what he prayed to God about and he replied "Jesus". (That is pretty much his standard answer after any Sunday School or preschool morning when I ask him what he learned about). Then he asked "How does Jesus get in my heart?" I told him all he has to do is ask Jesus and Jesus will come into his heart and stay with him forever. It was quiet for a minute, then he gasped "but I don't have a pocket on my shirt!" After I suppressed my giggles I told him he didn't need a pocket. "But how will I walk around with Jesus in me?" Knowing full well I was being outwitted by my toddler, I told him when he was older we could talk about it and he would understand it. "No" he replied "I want to talk about it now, Mommy." So I said something along the philosophical lines of "he gets smaller to come into your heart". (A theologian I am not!) That seemed to suffice, for now. These conversations are coming up more and more lately with both my children. My 7 year old can understand better the full weight of the decision to follow Christ, where my 3 year old can't just yet. How grateful I am that he attends a preschool where he knows already, at age 3, that Jesus loves him and wants to be in his heart! What an awesome gift.

Sweet Sounds

My 3 year old has the cutest habit of singing and talking himself to sleep. Last weekend while I was away, my husband caught him on the couch singing "Mommy will be home on Saturday" over and over again. Tonight, I can hear him as I type singing talking to his stuffed "doggy" as he calls him. He's saying "I love you doggy; but I love Grandma too". "I love day-day (his nickname for older brother)" Now he is just humming. How I wish I could box those sounds up and carry them with me wherever I go!

Dropping the defense shield

I will be the first to tell you I do not have the perfect marriage. I have a terrific husband that I am thankful for, but we have been together for 20 years and there have been a lot of growing pains over that time. But even after 20 years together, I still find myself puzzled that I keep making the same mistakes over and over again (him too). The other day we had a conversation over the phone about an issue that has been a recurring one for the last several months. You know those conversations don't you? The ones that keep coming up so often you might as well record them and just say to each other - "stop! roll tape". I knew when it began where it was going and it started in it's normal way: topic brought up, I get defensive, he gets defensive, I get louder, he tells me not to yell, etc., etc. But this time something changed. I don't know whether I was just tired from a long day, or maybe I just didn't want to have the same conversation again, but right at the time I usually am getting angrier, I let my guard down. I literally felt my body ease up, my grip on the phone lessen, and I took a deep breath and said what I really felt (pain) instead of what I wanted him to think I was feeling (anger). Even though we were on the phone, he could feel my pain without even seeing my expression. There was a long pause, he said he was sorry, so did I, and the conversation took a better turn. Things have been different since then too. Anger, for me, is usually a direct result of pain or some deeper emotion that I just don't want to have to acknowledge. If I take the time to dig a little deeper, and let my guard down long enough to express it to the right person, it usually gets resolved. If not, it will fester and grow and before long will turn me into something I don't recognize anymore. I am thankful that the Lord has such patience with me. Even when I am angry with Him, He knows the underlying cause, even if I don't. And given enough time, He usually helps me find my way.

Germs everywhere!

The stomach bug is going around and as I write this, I am praying the Lord protects us from it. My dear friend Sarah's little girl was hospitalized last week because of it. As I was driving from preschool to home, the Lord prompted me to visit them. I started to argue...."but Lord, I can't subject my family to that horrible virus, she'll understand". "I'll protect you" was all I heard, so I turned around and headed to the hospital. I was thankful we got to see her and my youngest brought her little one a praying doll, which she loved. Sunday we went to a birthday party for a family friend - their oldest is my son's best friend, their youngest turned 3 and is a good friend of my youngest. We got there and heard that their oldest was sick upstairs with a virus. We hadn't been there 30 minutes when the grandmother came downstairs and announced that their son had just thrown up. Great. They played baseball together on Saturday, so we had already been subjected to it, but nevertheless I felt nauseous just being that close to it. I know I am overly cautious when it comes to illness, especially the stomach virus. I have found other moms like me, and then some the complete opposite. Now my dear friend yesterday had no idea her son had a stomach bug. If she did, I doubt she would have let 20 adults and all their children in her home. But I know of several who will send their kids to school, or still carry on with parties, work, whatever, knowing full well they could make others sick. That is what drives me nuts! If you are reading this I am not talking to you. If you were like that we would not be friends! Just kidding....not really. Anyway, keep praying no one in your family gets this bug - it's nasty.

Fun Fridays!

We carpool with 2 girls most days - ages 8 and 5. When they are in the car with my 2 boys, the chatter never stops. But some days, most days actually, my boys would rather just listen to their Go Fish Guys cd. This morning was one of those days. My 3 year old, in particular, loves singing along to the cd, and when the girls wouldn't stop chatting in the 3rd row seat, he got a little irritated. The 8 year old girl kept asking him what his problem was. He finally, in utter disgust, closed his eyes and yelled - "JUST STOP TALKING!" I laughed all the way to school. And so it is with girls - that is pretty much all we did at the MOPS Convention - so here are a few pictures from that - what a great time! Thanks Nancy for reminding me to do this!

Christy, Rebecca, Camille, Jen and me before the session started. Great shirt design Camille! We always could find each other in the crowd with these shirts.

Salvador in concert - man were they good!

Matt Redmon was the worship leader. He is the one in the back row, second from the right. Pictured here with us and his band. If your church does contemporary worship, he wrote most of the songs you hear. What a truly gifted man he is - and his wife is 7 months pregnant!

I can't help but post this picture - my friend Christy is 6 months pregnant and looks so cute - especially since all of us match. It's hard to tell from this picture who is further along in their pregnancy, Christy, Boz or me (I'm not pregnant at all by the way). Don't kill me Christy!

This trip was so much fun! Love you girls!

Better Moms make a better world!

I just returned from the MOPS International Convention in Orlando, Florida where 5 of us went from our steering team at church. What an exhausting, exhilarating time we had! These girls were so much fun - I can't remember the last time I laughed so much. The convention is always a great time to be away from my family, and yet reflect on them and my role as a wife and mother at the same time. I am grateful that my husband always has renewed appreciation for me after 4 days of handling the boys on his own (with help from Grandma!) We heard lots of great speakers and artists (Matt Redman, Sara Groves, the Go Fish Guys (my kids love them!)) We also were privileged to hear John Orteberg and Julie Barnhill. I am so thankful to the Lord for allowing me to be a part of MOPS and for my church who helps us get to convention. I am excited about this upcoming year and what the Lord has in store for our group. The new slogan for MOPS is "Better Moms Make a Better World". What a true statement that is. We as moms have an awesome responsibility to shape our boys and girls into adults that not only will trust in the Lord, but will trust Him enough to be used for His Kingdom purposes. So if I don't take the time to eat right, how can I expect my child to eat right? If I don't value exercise, my child won't. If I don't turn to the Lord with my struggles, fears and insecurities, how can I expect my child to? And I can't drink or smoke and say to my child - "don't do this". They are watching - always. So for me, I have to take time to make myself better (and NOT feel guilty) so that my world - which for me is my family - will be better.

Fun Fridays

I'm off to Orlando for a convention, so I'm doing Fun Fridays a couple days early.

The name behind him says it all. He looked at me the other day with a slight frown on his face, nose all bunched up and asked "Are you serious?" He makes me laugh more than anyone.

The oldest loves baseball - and I love watching him play. He's awesome! The neighborhood kids made him cry today - just not being nice. I pray our next neighborhood has kids his own age that are fun to be around. He is such a sweet child and I hope he maintains that sweetness for the rest of his life. What a joy he is. He warms my heart every day.

Esther - A Woman God Used

We started a new bible study this week - "Becoming A Woman God Can Use - A Study on Esther" by Judith Couchman. I love the story of Esther and I especially love being able to delve into her life more in depth. If you ever have any doubt as to whether God controls the circumstances around you - or can use the choices YOU have made for HIS glory - read about Esther. She was taken in by a relative when her parents died, chose to be in the King's harem to be used for his sexual pleasure and by doing so encountered Lord only knows what. Yet when the time came, God was able to use Esther to save His people from death. As you read the story of Esther, you can see God's hand on so many areas that even Esther wasn't even aware of. How God worked so many circumstances together, all so his people could be saved. It's a short book in the Bible and yet reads like a great fictional tale, yet is true. The main character of course is Esther herself, but not because she fought a great battle, or defeated a giant, or even witnessed Jesus' resurrection. No, the story of Esther is awesome solely because God used her. Interestingly enough, God is never mentioned in this book by name. I think this is why this story resonates with me so dearly. How often in my life I can look back and see God's hand, when often I wasn't even in close relationship with Him. I was worried, yet God was working. I was crying out to Him "where are you?" and He was working. I was oblivious to His presence, yet He was working. He worked the circumstances in Esther's life out of love. He works the circumstances in my life out of love. He will work the circumstances out in your life, because of His deep abiding love for you.

20 year reunion

I can't believe it but next weekend is my 20 year high school reunion. Several of my class mates have created a great website for us to go on and update our lives. It's been great fun reading about how many different paths we each have taken, and how many are similar. I am amazed at how many times I've had to refer to my yearbook to refresh faces with names. Old age I guess! Reunions are always a perfect benchmark to analyze your life. You can't really help it. Reading about what others have done or are doing always makes one compare their own success or failure. Many on the site bragged about the cars, businesses, and homes they own; while others felt the need to say "still single" or "no kids...yet". I'm not sure why the human race always compares themselves against each other. It's unfair really. You can't possibly know every detail and decision another person has made that led them to where they are now - good or bad. What sacrifices did they make? What trauma's have they been through? No, it should be enough that we have done what God has asked of us. When we keep our eyes focused on Him, what others do becomes less important.

Resolutions are harder than they look....

Ok, so when I posted the other day about changing my negative behavior, little did I know how quickly I would be challenged on it. Negative thoughts are something I battle daily; some days I win, some days I don't. Yesterday bounced between the two, eventually landing safely somewhere in the middle. My husband's doctor's office called yesterday and the only message they would give me was for my husband to call them. He had blood work done last week, so I was sure this was the results. My thoughts immediately swayed from "it must be bad and that's why she won't tell me" to "it's a privacy thing, laws and such. I have to respect it - even if I am HIS WIFE!". So I called my husband and relayed the message, to which his response was "Ok." "Weird". After hanging up the phone with me, my husband called his doctors office, got the information and then called me back. Here is where I wonder why God created males the way He did. The first 2 minutes of the conversation were all the things that showed up ok - kidneys, liver, and whatever else it was he said. To be honest I wasn't paying much attention - I couldn't hear over the loud voice in my head screaming "GET TO THE POINT - WHAT ARE YOU DYING OF!" He finally got around to mentioning his cholesterol. "Ok, good" I thought. "It's not cancer. So what is it then?" I'm still thinking to myself. "Angioplasty, stint, transplant......just spill it". It turns out that he is fine. Better than fine actually, he's great. Because he changed his diet and started working out, his cholesterol has dropped significantly. My husband is not overweight at all, but he didn't like the way he felt after our vacation (neither did I but that hasn't stopped me from eating!). He started eating fruit instead of fries and kept his portions low. He's done a great job. Now that I know he is not dying, I am proud of him. But yesterday was just another example of those days where I say to myself "why did my thoughts even go there?" And even more so, how do I stop them? That's the question I keep trying to answer.

Remembering 9/11

This is one of those days that none of us will forget. You remember exactly where you were, and exactly how you felt when that 1st plane hit the World Trade Center. At first, like most people, I thought it was a horrible accident. Then the 2nd plane hit, then word of the plane crashing into the Pentagon came, and then the plane going down in Pennsylvania. The panic that swept through us was unforgettable, and then you wondered if it was going to end. My oldest was only 1 then and I remember thinking what kind of world have I brought him into. The churches across America were filled that Sunday. For the first time in decades all people were brought together for a common purpose - to find comfort in each other and try to make sense of it all. Thankfully many reached out to the Lord and found comfort in Him. Those people that got on those planes and went into work that day couldn't possibly have known that when they left that morning it would be the last time they saw their spouse, or kissed their children goodbye. For a moment that fall morning, the world stopped. For days after that, it was like we were all in slow motion. Many people left work to come home to their families, call relatives, hug their children. Work, money, deadlines all didn't seem to matter much any more. We're back to our fast pace now, probably even faster than before 9/11. But I hope we always remember that day. Not just for those that were lost, and have been lost since in fighting the war on terror. But to remember that during this tragedy, at least for a few days, we all shared common ground in what really matters in life.

Instead of......I will.....

Ok, so it may be a little early for resolutions, but I figured if I start now, maybe they will become actual patterns in my life by January 1st. But instead of saying I resolve to lose weight this year, to spend more "quality" time with my kids, to read "x" amount of pages of the Bible a day, I'm going to replace some destructive behaviors with positive ones. So here goes... Instead of rewarding myself with food, I will eat to live, not live to eat. Instead of having an agenda for my quiet time, I will let the Lord tell me what to do. Instead of complaining about the distance I drive to take my kids to school, I will thank God for the special time we have in the car to discuss their days, their dreams and their frustrations. Instead of being mad at my husband's work hours, I will be thankful for his work that allows me to be at home and serve in so many areas. Instead of setting a goal to work out 3 times a week, I will do something.....anything....every day - whether that is walking, sit-ups, aerobics, whatever. Instead of winding down my day in front of the tv, I will grab a book instead. Instead of seeing people through my eyes, picking out their faults and comparing myself to them, I will pray to see them through God's eyes - as the beautiful, unique people He created, and whom He loves deeply.

Love the Chocolate!!

When he says his ice cream in "delicious", he really means it. He takes after his mom on this one...for sure.

Everyone should have a friend like this....

Encouraging Words

As I was writing my post from yesterday, the Lord reminded of the people He placed around me and how they have changed my life, all through their encouragement. I went to look up the word encourage in the Bible the other day and was amazed and how many times it shows up throughout the New and Old testament. In Deuteronomy, God tells Moses to encourage Joshua because he will be leading the Israelites into the promised land. Paul also describes encouragement as a gift, much like prophecy or teaching in Romans. I've never looked at encouragement as a spiritual gift, but in reflecting on those that have encouraged me over the last year, I can see it now. Had my friend and neighbor Melanie not encouraged me the first time I asked her about starting a neighborhood bible study, we still wouldn't have one to this day. For little did she know how apprehensive I was about just asking her opinion about it. My friend Nancy called me almost every day once I agreed to take over the MOPS Coordinator's position from her at church. Much like an adult teaching a child to walk, she held my hand and told me I could do it, when to the deep recesses of my soul I felt I couldn't. Both of these ladies always encouraged me and gave me sound, spiritual advice to which I am grateful for to this day. My mom and mother in law have always told me what a great mom I am at the exact moment I needed it - usually after a night of staring at the ceiling asking God how He could have ever trusted a wreck like me with two beautiful boys. My friends Sandy and Lori who encouraged me through some of the darkest periods of my life and still hung around. My friend Kimberly who offered encouragement to start a prayer for our boys' first day of Kindergarten that now has spread to a school-wide prayer on the first day of school. My steering team at church who encourage me just by letting me watch how God is working so greatly in their lives with the gifts He's given them. They are my closest friends. My sweet grandmother who always knows when to call me because the Holy Spirit prompts her and she obeys. And of course my dear husband. There's not enough room on the internet for how that man has changed my life. Next to Jesus, he is my greatest encourager. So today I am sending this blog to those that have encouraged me over the years. Even if you're not mentioned here, if you get this you have encouraged me in some way. You may never know what a simple act of encouragement can do for someone, or how it could change the course of someone's life. Yes, encouragement is a gift. A gift from a loving God who wants to encourage us every day so that we may encourage others.

Saying Yes

We had the honor of having Lysa TerKeurst, President of Proverbs 31 speak at our MOPS group last night. What a wonderful evening! She had us laughing and crying and for me personally, she was yet another reminder of what God can do through you when you just say yes to Him. I've been a part of this MOPS group for 4 years and on the steering team for 2. My husband had the unique opportunity to hear me start the meeting off last night; he has never seen one of these meetings before and I wasn't aware he was there until I finished. When I got home, he said how proud he was of me, and amazed at how much I have changed. God has changed me and it all started with a simple act of obedience. When I hated living in my neighborhood, God pressed upon me to start a neighborhood bible study. "No, Lord" was my response. For 6 months I argued with him. I prayed he would move in the neighborhood, or move me out of it. Little did I know he wanted to use me to move in the neighborhood. I finally answered the call and the girls in my study are such a blessing to me. I love them. After arguing with the Lord on this point, when he asked me again to do something, I immediately answered. This time it was MOPS. He wanted me to call the coordinator at the time and ask to help. Now, this is a group that up to this point I had felt out of place. I wasn't really sure I was going to come back. But I called and that simple phone call started a chain of events that not only made me coordinator one year later, it also brought me new loving and supportive friends that have changed my life. Bringing us back to last night. If you could have been inside my head a year ago, you would never have believed I was that person last night. I don't know how much of my anxiety showed last year, but it paralyzed me in many areas. It was hard enough for me to carry on a conversation with one girl in the back of the room. No way was I going up in front of the room to speak! But God has worked in me. I now have the confidence to lead our school in prayer, our MOPS meetings and anything else he asks of me. It doesn't mean I don't get butterflies in my stomach any more, I do. But the initial fear is just that - initial, and then I press on. Last night was a true testament to what He can do when we say yes. I may be afraid at times, but I'd rather be afraid and say yes, than miss out on the tremendous blessing if I were to say no.

We're moving

After much prayer we have decided to put our house on the market. There were several reasons why; the main one being we want to be closer into town. I am thankful that this decision came easy for us. I wish I could say how much we are going to miss the neighborhood and our neighbors. There are several families we will miss, but for the most part, we have never felt that we fit in. I have mixed emotions about the people here. My family is not social. We don't like parties and prefer to stay in and hang out as a family. We have tried, however, to socialize in this neighborhood more than anywhere else. Don't get me wrong, there are good people here who have done a lot of good for their neighbors and others. But as a whole, I always felt like I was trying to fit a square peg (me) into a round hole (the neighborhood). The Lord asked me to start a bible study here and I begrudgingly did. I am so thankful for those group of women and all they have meant to me. I have learned a lot by living here of what I want and what I don't want my life to be. It has been through living in this neighborhood that I have become acutely aware of how decisions you make can isolate you. We make no excuses for being Christians. I love Jesus and He guides our every ways. I don't shove that down people's throats though. We also decide to stay in most nights. Because of DH's work schedule, our family time is very precious and I know that didn't come across well with our neighbors. We also have made the decision not to send our child to public school......and we've heard some pretty crappy comments because of it. I always find it peculiar why some people feel they have the right to criticize another person's decisions. I don't criticize them for sending their children to public school - the schools are great out here. Why do they feel the need to do that to me? I'm constantly asking the Lord, could I have done something different? Did You call me to do something here and I refused? What else could I have done? Am I too much to myself that it makes me look stand-off-ish? Sometimes, though, it's just not a good fit, and that is the case here. We continue to pray for the Lord's wisdom and guidance so that our next move will be a better fit for us.

Thanks, but no...

I was in Brueggers the other day getting my normal sausage, egg & cheese bagel and large iced tea with my youngest. I used to get him a chocolate milk and we would sit together and eat and talk before school. But it wasn't long before I realized that drinking chocolate milk that early in the morning makes him mean. Really mean. So I stopped getting it and we do 1/2 apple juice, 1/2 water now. Well yesterday he must have remembered "hey, this is where I used to get chocolate milk" and started crying for it. He cried all through the line and checkout "Mommy, pwease, I want my chocate mulk...!" The two ladies in front of me kept looking at him and laughing and saying "oh, how sweet..." and "he's so cute". Well by the time we were leaving, the one lady turned to me and said "can I please buy him some chocolate milk? He is breaking my heart." I laughed at her and said "only if you want to deal with him in 45 minutes when the sugar kicks in." She laughed understandably and went back to her friend. After I left the store, I wondered what she possibly thought of me as a mother to have offered such a thing. I mean, here I am with bagel and a huge iced tea when my child is crying for something I won't give him. Did she think I was just a horrible mother? Maybe the thought didn't cross her mind at all. I vowed to myself never to judge another mother in the way she handles her children. You don't know what they are like, what they have been like that day or what works on them and what doesn't. Only a mother knows. And unless a family looks hungry, I vow never to offer to buy a 3 year old chocolate milk.

Be strong and take heart

Psalm 31:24 states "be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord". I had a light-bulb moment the other day in regards to hope. My hope has always been in the Lord, but more in an eternal life sort of way. I knew that no matter what happened to me here on earth, my hope was in the Lord that I would live with him forever in heaven. I can honestly say for the better part of my life though, my day to day hope has been in myself, my husband, my job, my kids, my bank account. Sure I have hope in Him for the big stuff, but not the daily things. Until now. There is something about the possibility of having your life as you know it turned upside down that gives you new perspective. These last few weeks should have kept me in bed crying all day. My son starting school, DH job issues, leadership challenges for me, house issues. Remarkably though, I have been at peace. No wait, not just at peace, but happy.....and hopeful. This marathon we've been running has been exhausting for our family. Many times we have wanted to throw in the towel and lay down on the pavement crying "I quit!" But there is something about seeing that finish line that gives you renewed strength. Vigor to keep going. It's the hope I have in Jesus. "And we know that in all things God works for those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28. I know that God is working all of this because he loves us, and we have committed our ways before him. God has placed in our hearts a vision for our family that doesn't match up to how we are living. Those changes are coming, and the hope I have through the difficult times is that Jesus is with me in the daily things; the little and the big decisions. My time with Him is precious to me now and He is showing me glimpses every day of how our life is going to be on this new path He is placing us. That is the hope we have in Jesus. I get it now.

School has begun

My oldest started school this week and there have been a lot of tears. Today was much better though as I think he is actually liking it. It's amazing the lengths we go to, though, to re-direct our children. My son has a tendency to exaggerate the negative in certain situations and this was one of those weeks. I wouldn't call it drama....but close. During one of his crying/whining fits, my husband and I both reminded him of how thankful he should be - he knows everyone in his grade, he has great teachers, he gets to learn about God freely, his younger brother will be there next week, all his friends are there, etc., etc. When that didn't work, I pulled out all the stops. I reminded him of the two African boys we sponsor. These sweet boys go to a Christian school in Kenya and we correspond to them all the time. Their parents are deceased and when they start school in the fall, they are there until Christmas break. Period. No going home at night, no mother to cuddle up next to when they are scared, no tv shows to veg out in front of after school. But these boys are thankful. Every time I get a letter from them I am amazed at how much they love the Lord, how thankful they are to have so little, and how extremely intelligent they are. I always read these letters to my son, so I reminded him yesterday of Joseph and Raphael in Africa. I reminded him to think of them today instead of himself. I asked him to pray for them when he felt sad, and I told him to be thankful that at 3 p.m. he gets to come home with me. Today there were no tears.

The end of summer...

Today marks the last weekday of summer for us. We hit the ground running tomorrow with my oldest son's school open house. Our church is having a big open house for it's new building as well this weekend which we are involved in so we'll be there all day Saturday and Sunday. School begins on Monday and we're back into the routine. I've talked to many of my friends and as I see it, we're broken off into two camps. 1) those that are ready for school to start...."sooooo ready" in the words of one of my closest friends, and 2) those that are sad to see it all begin again. I have to admit I am leaning more on the latter. I miss my son when he is gone, and I can't decide who will be crying more on Monday, me or him. I hate getting up early and having to be somewhere by a certain time. The endless hours in the car, back and forth are something I don't look forward to either. The one thing I won't miss is refereeing my boys because they've had a little too much "together" time. I know that by next weekend though I will be glad to have a routine again. This is the day I look back over the summer and reflect on what was done, and what wasn't. I ask the questions "did I spend enough time with them, did they have enough activities; do enough reading, how much did they learn and how much did they enjoy themselves over the summer"? I really don't have the answers to all of it really. All I can do is pray every day for God's wisdom and guidance in raising these sweet boys He gave us. I can't compare what my family did to another. We're not them and they are not us. That is the fastest way to discontentment. No, all I can do is what God has asked of me for MY children. I feel good about this summer and hopefully my boys do too. I pray they look back on this summer when they are older and have fond memories.....and not something they need to talk to a therapist about!

I am a type A, controlling person; I'll admit it. No shocking news there. But what I find interesting is how much I think I control everything about myself and those around me. I don't think I'm out of the ordinary in this. There are some of us that take credit for the good and take none of the blame for the bad. There are those where the opposite it true. Then there are the few that say "God allowed this blessing" AND "God allowed this suffering" without taking any credit or blame. When you look through the bible on suffering or hardships, there are several accounts of people that brought on their own suffering - David comes to mind. Peter also is one I think of. Peter denied Jesus 3 times and I would imagine suffered greatly in spirit for his denial. Then there are those that suffering was allowed to come upon them by no fault of their own. So many, in fact. The obvious, Job, but then there is Joseph, the Apostle Paul, John the Baptist. Jesus. Jesus. The one without sin, the one whom no one can say - "well, if He had only done this, he would be alive today". He was perfect, without sin, and yet, He suffered more than anyone. The sin of the world was laid upon him and God turned His face away. There is no greater suffering than that. When I compare my suffering to Jesus, there is no comparison. Why is it then, when things aren't going well, or I feel God's presence has vanished, that I believe it's something I have done. Granted, there are times when I have willingly walked into sin - and paid for it. But honestly, looking back, most times God has rescued me from my sin, not punished me for it. Jesus did no wrong, and yet suffered for us all. Going back to Peter. I love the story of Peter. He denied Jesus 3 times, and yet, when Jesus was resurrected, the angel in the tomb told Mary to go and tell the disciples...and Peter. He specifically called Peter by name. He must have known that Peter no longer felt he was a disciple of Jesus after denying Him 3 times. But what a beautiful story of God's grace and abundant love. I often think of Peter when I am feeling a distance from God that I am blaming on myself. I love the Lord for including that story in His word for us.

It's getting worse...

The doctor told me this was going to happen and not to freak out......whatever. To see my poor baby's eyes turn black and blue is heartbreaking. The only thing that is saving me at this point is the fact that he is happy and acting normally. The bruises will go away, thankfully.

The Lemonade Stand

I'm watching my 7 year old son sitting at the end of our driveway at his little red table trying to sell ice cold water and pepsi (it's all we had!). He's been at it for 30 minutes with not a single car coming by. My son has big plans and I didn't want to discourage him, but he's got several things going against him. 1. We live on a cul-de-sac. 2. The few neighbors that live on this street are out of town. He was so excited to do it, I didn't have the heart to burst his bubble before he even got started. I did, however, convince him that $6 for a cup of Pepsi was too high. As I watch him sit out there in 100 degree heat, my heart aches for him. He insisted on doing it now instead of waiting until tomorrow and planning it out more. He's not completed hard-headed; he was, at least, willing to take other advice like lowering the price of his drinks. As I watch my sweet boy sweating out there, I think of my Father who looks at me so often with an aching heart too. How many times I insist on doing it my way, TODAY, no planning, no asking Him for help or if this is even what I should do. But as I watch my little boy, I am so filled with pride and love for him. He's trying at least, and he hasn't once come in and said "I quit". I am understanding more by watching him, how much God's love for me transcends my mistakes, and even if I didn't do it the "right way", He still is loving me and supporting me.

Answered Prayer

A couple weeks ago I posted about a friend of mine whose son was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I am happy to report today that his tumor has been removed and there will be no further treatment. According to the surgeon, once he reached the tumor he was prepared to spend 2-3 hours getting it out. Once there, he touched the tumor and it "fell out". How awesome the power of God is and His love of His children. My friend's son still needs prayer as his vision needs to correct itself. But the doctors are pretty sure it will get back to normal once the medication wears off. Praise God for hearing all the prayers lifted up for this little boy!

Frog on my toilet

Yeah, that's right. You heard me. This morning I went into the bathroom and saw something strange on the back of the toilet. Seriously thinking one of the boys put a rock there (and mumbling under my breath about their constant fascination with rocks) I proceeded to move it. Then it moved. I'm not ashamed to admit that I screamed like a 3 year old girl. And, for what ever reason, yelled for my 7 year old.....I guess it is primitive nature that the closest male should remove such things and since DH had already left for work, he was it. He wasn't going near it - but thought it was cool nonetheless. Being the wimp that I am, I emptied out a box, grabbed the nearest thing I could poke him with and coaxed him in to the box - all the while feeling like I was going to throw up. I dumped him outside. At least DH had a good laugh over it...and proceeded to call me several hours later saying "ribbit, ribbit". He's on the couch tonight.