A clarification of sorts

I have mentioned a few times on this blog about the fact that we are moving and that the neighborhood is part of the reason. I have been burdened by the fact that a comment like that could be construed as something wrong with the neighborhood, when in fact, the problem (if you want to call it that) is really me. I have allowed several things that have happened in this neighborhood to keep me inside and distance myself from others. I'm not saying there isn't a time when you have to do that, because there is. But by my distance, I have missed a lot of opportunities - a lot. Opportunities to overlook the bad and see the good, opportunities to help a neighbor who lost her dad, has a sick child, or just needs a shoulder to lean on. Most importantly, opportunities for people to see God through me. If Jesus looked at me the way I look at my neighbors at times, there would be no hope for me. If Jesus only looked at the mistakes I make, the temper I have or the lack of judgement I possess he would turn the other way. But He doesn't. He loves me - knowing everything, EVERYTHING, He never turns away. He took my cross and carried the weight of my sin and paid the price for me. All He asks is that I love my neighbor - is that so hard? I pray the Lord will forgive me and help me correct my ways, be it in this neighborhood or the next. That's what grace is, right? And where would I be without His grace.

Another thing I've learned

After spending this weekend at the hospital and doctor's offices with my sick mom, I was struck at how compassionate perfect strangers were to us. My mother was so sick upon arrival to the urologist that she threw up several times. Thankfully she made it to a trash can each time, but in each case someone came by to help. One even offered to get her a wheelchair and another offered to sit with her while I got the car. These were complete strangers! I'll be completely honest here, whenever I see someone that sick I run the other way. I immediately think stomach virus and my innate need to protect myself kicks in overdrive. I have learned a lot over this last weekend. It has made me examine my own actions and how I would respond to a person in need. How is God going to use me if I am so concerned about myself? I need to do what God asks of me and let Him worry about the rest.

God's in the circumstances...all of them

I have been studying Esther, which is a great story on how involved God is in our daily lives and how He orchestrates the circumstances of our lives to bring Him glory. I am so thankful that He allowed me to witness this firsthand over the weekend. One of my best friend's and I each have been dealing with a health issue of our mothers this past week - her mother is in rehab after falling and breaking several bones; mine was struck with a large kidney stone that was too large to pass. If you've ever been in charge of the well being of another person, you know you need help in making the right decisions on their behalf. In each of our cases, the Lord helped us. My friend had to visit several rehab hospitals before choosing which would be the best for her mom. She honestly had no idea what to look for and was concerned. The very day she was going to visit these hospitals, 2 of the 3 were unreachable due to large traffic accidents in the area. The only one she was able to visit was the one where her mother is now and is happy with it. She gives complete credit to the Lord for making the decision for her. My mother spent one night in the ER and then was sent home with a doctor's number to call the next day to be seen. As I stood in my mother's home trying to reach this doctor, I couldn't get through. Over and over I tried, knowing how bad my mother felt and that she needed to be seen today. I closed my eyes and asked the Lord silently to help me make this decision as to what to do next. I opened my eyes and called my own doctor. They got her in that afternoon, scheduled surgery for the next day and took complete care of her. My mother had the last procedure to break up the stone this morning. After all she's been through (and it's been a lot over 5 days), she slowly gets in the car whispering "thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus". She has been so grateful through this process to see His work. From the people in the next bed in pre-op who were praying that brought us comfort even if they weren't praying for us, to the nursing staff at Charlotte Urology and Dr. O'Neill's office for their quick actions and compassion, to the numerous strangers who offered to help in any way they could because they could see the pain my mom was in. God works, and often He uses people like us to do it.

Rain, Beautiful Rain!!

We finally got some much needed rain here and boy did it make a difference. The youngest was so happy I let him go outside and play in it. He loved it!

A Sickly Sunday

Well, my plans for this weekend were ruined by a nasty cold my husband and I got. So we didn't get to see Go Fish - which really upsets me because they got up close and my friends kids got to go on stage. I halfway tried to rationalize that I could make it and just try to sleep a lot today - but my husband was quick to tell me that my friends probably wouldn't appreciate me spreading my germs to their family. So we stayed home. Husband took the day off today and I really have appreciated the time we've got to spend together just him and I and the boys yesterday and today. Even through the sneezing, coughing, fevers and sore throats, it was nice just to hang out in our jammies as a family yesterday. My oldest was so excited today when he got home from school and his dad was already here. Pure joy on that kid's face! It was great to see, and great to have him home. What a difference a dad's presence makes in the life of a family. Especially mine.

Me vs. Rosie

I had a good friend of mine tell me the other day that she used to read Rosie O'Donnell's blog and now she reads mine instead. She said she felt better reading my blog than Rosies. I felt so touched by the fact that she reads my blog at all. My friend is such a sweet person and I love her. So a big shout out "Thanks!" to my friend who shall remain nameless or she will kill me for mentioning her name.

Full Friday

My youngest and I spent the day with my mom as she took the day off from work. It turned out to be a blessing when a routine car service turned into a major one and left me without my car for the day. Bummer. We ate at the Cheesecake Factory (my favorite!) and walked around the mall for a bit. I looked at clothes that hopefully one day soon I will be able to fit into. Not buying anything until I lose a few. My husband gave me great encouragement the other day when I was growing frustrated in not have the time to work out. He said that even on the weeks I don't get much of an opportunity to exercise, I still have 3 opportunities a day to effect my weight loss by what I eat. Good advice, and I have been taking it. So I ate well at the Factory and skipped the cheesecake (I know, seems a waste) but it was worth it just to go and eat the food and not feel stuffed sick. Poor husband is sick with a cold and my sore throat I fear is turning into something greater as my ears are starting to pop. My youngest has already had this junk so I am praying my oldest will be spared. It could be worse, I know. We had a showing this week which is great news and one over last weekend. In this market I am grateful for anything. I am debating whether or not to do something for the neighbors for halloween. I despise what this so called holiday has turned into, but I don't want to miss an opportunity to do something nice for my neighbors. I struggle with this so much. Last year we had those few families we knew on the street with small kids over for pizza before we went out. I'd like to do that again, but don't want to feel like I am excluding the rest of the street. Not sure what to do. The rain today was great but nowhere near the amount they predicted. It sure was great to leave this morning with the rain coming down. Thank you Lord for that! Tomorrow is baseball and Sunday is church then the Go Fish Guys concert in Concord with several of my friends and their kids. My boys are psyched about that! I am too. I love those guys and it should be a fun night. Well, I'm off to take my Tylenol p.m. in hopes of keeping this cold at bay...

Dig deeper

My girls and I have been studying the book of Esther and the other day we had a great discussion on the characteristics in a woman that God can use. We went through Esther's qualities of course, but I asked the girls what image popped into their mind when they thought of a woman God could use. It was interesting all of our responses: one who had lived a Godly life, could speak in public, no fear of social situations, well educated. As I go through this study, it is imperative to me that I erase any image I have of a woman God can use - because it's wrong. Whatever image that's in my head needs to be replaced with my face. Whatever image you have in your head needs to be replaced with your face. When God was forming you in your mother's womb in the likeness of his image, he placed in you qualities that were unique to you. He gave you a family that was part of His plan (whether you agree with it or not). He also allowed certain situations to enter your life - good and bad - that shaped you, and quite possibly are still shaping you. How it must break His heart when He asks us to do something and we so "oh no Lord, I can't do that. I'm not.....____" (good at speaking in public, educated enough, strong enough to handle rejection, pretty enough, thin enough, Godly enough - whatever that means). You fill in the blank with whatever perceived weakness is preventing you from obedience. I think about my 7 year old and what an awesome kid he is. How proud I am of him. He has such wonderful God given qualities that I so admire in him. How it would break my heart if he came to me and said "I can't do that Mom, I'm too short, or too shy, or too soft spoken" or whatever he saw as a weakness in himself. I would immediately contradict him with all of his strengths. How God must want to do that with us. "Oh child" he must want to say to us "you focus on what is wrong with you, but look at all I have placed in you. You have such great qualities - use them for my glory". The beauty of Esther is that it teaches us as women that God can use ANY of us. Esther didn't fit the picture of a woman God could use of her time. She lived with godless people instead of in Jerusalem, she concealed her nationality, she joined a harem and married outside of her faith. But God USED HER to save his people. Stop making excuses for why you can't do it. Ask God to give you strength and show you the qualities in yourself that he wants to use and cultivate them. And when He does, be ready to get your hands dirty. It takes some digging and watering and nurturing to mature that seed in you, and you just may have to step out of your comfort zone a little to do it.

Happy Birthday Rick!

Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband!

Baby Blessings

I had the pleasure of attending our baby dedication service at our church yesterday afternoon. There were 20 babies dedicated including 3 sets of twins! It was beautiful to see that many families who are committed to raising their children in Godly homes, and also so many that are part of our MOPS group. I was honored to be a part of this special afternoon and overjoyed that we are part of a church that helps us in raising our children. My friend Karen and her husband Lee had their little boy Austin dedicated yesterday. They struggled for years to add this sweet baby to their family and the Lord heard their prayers (and the prayers of so many that were praying for them). Austin has had some abnormal brain development since he was still in-utero. It is a wait and see game right now, with many of us praying that his brain will develop normally. The Lord continues to answer prayers and support this loving family. Karen and Lee are so positive and continue to focus on the good reports that come back - and there have been many. God has a plan for Austin and for whatever reason, this is part of it. This weekend I also went to see one of our MOPS moms whose baby is in the hospital. Little Caroline is 3 months old and weighs less than 7 lbs. She is the most alert, beautiful little girl and even with all the tubes hooked up to her, she is content. Her mom says she rarely cries in spite of all she has been through. As I walked into their room and saw this tiny baby hooked up to all this "stuff" my heart silently cried out to the Lord "why?". I secretly wondered where He was. But as I sat there and talked to little Caroline and her mom Kim, as I saw all the doctors, nurses and therapists come in, I felt the Lord's presence. I was so impressed with Kim. How she was so calm as she talked to the hospital staff and knew exactly what was going on with the monitors and i.v's. I asked her if she was a nurse before and she said "no, this is all the stuff I have learned since we've been here". It's hard not to question God when you see families you love go through difficult times. Especially babies. But God is there. He goes before each of us, and with these babies in particular, he cradles them in his loving arms and comforts them in ways we may never know. But sometimes God wants to show himself in other ways. That's what He uses us for. We are to show God's love in our actions and words. Jesus spoke that we are to "let our light shine before men, that they may see our good deeds and praise your Father in heaven" (Matt. 5:16). Not that we are to get credit, but that our Father can get credit. We are to hold these families, love them, and lift them up in prayer. In Matthew 7 verse 9, Jesus is also spoke about how we, who are evil by nature, still give our children what they want. How much more will our Father in heaven, who is all perfect and loving, give good gifts to us if we ask. So I pray for these families. That the Lord will hold them and love them, and give them strength and heal their children. I pray that these families in particular will feel God's presence both by what He does and what He does through others.

At home

Like most things, if I don't stay on top of it I get behind. I was amazed when I went to post this morning that it has been over a week since my last post! Yikes! I had every intention of taking an aerobics class this morning - even packing all my stuff to shower at church afterwards - and my youngest felt sick on the way there. So we're home where I will make every attempt to get a good workout in at here - although nothing beats Jenny's class at our church. I always feel great after that! The house is still up for sale and I feel sure it will sell if it is what the Lord wants for our family. I can honestly say we have no plan for now. I am taking each day as it comes and praying for wisdom and "light" for our steps as they come. I don't know what the Lord has planned for the coming weeks and months, but for right now we are taking it day by day. This is hard for me as I am a planner. The fact that my house is on the market and we have no idea what we are going to do when it sells is a huge step of faith for me. I do trust the Lord, and I guess that is why I don't really feel led to pray for anything else but His perfect will for our lives. We did have a family see it on Saturday, but otherwise it has been painfully slow. I am grateful that we don't have to sell it quickly - what an unbelievable stress that would be in this market. But at least the house is always clean and ready to show! Well I'm off to the elliptical machine while my little one is on the couch watching the new (old) Jungle Book movie. They actually quote scripture in that film. Ah, the good 'ol days!

Lazy Saturdays

I don't know what it is about having something on the calendar that gets cancelled at the last minute that gives me a sense of euphoria - but it does (is that a hint that maybe I am over-scheduled?). Today was one of those days. My son normally has a baseball game, but this Saturday my husband had already booked him for a golf clinic that couldn't be cancelled. We could have made the game but my son would have been worn out doing both. We opted to sleep in this morning and go to the golf thing only. It was awesome! My husband made paper airplanes with the oldest, while I and the youngest curled up on the couch under a blanket and watched Winnie the Pooh. He fell asleep and is still there now. As a matter of fact, I think I'll go join him in that nap! Man I love mornings like this!

God is in the small things

"Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." Luke 6:28 My oldest is in 2nd grade and has been having some issues during recess with his classmates. They have been playing football and there are a few boys that control the plays and leave several boys out - mine included. It's not that they don't choose him to play, it's that he never gets thrown the ball. This has gone on for a couple weeks, but yesterday my son was so bothered by it he wouldn't eat his dinner and finally broke down crying and told me how hurt he was. He went so far as to ask me to take him back to school so we could hide the football so they wouldn't have to play the next day. I prayed for wisdom and searched his devotional book for a topic that would address this (and no we didn't hide the football!). Thankfully the Lord gave me the devotional entitled "Prayers for Friends" from the "Gotta Have God" devotional. This particular devotion was about boys who were being mean. My son's friends were not being mean, just controlling and competitive - like some kids are. That's ok, unless you are on the receiving end of it and then it's not too fun. But as we read the devotional last night, I explained to him that there were many professional football players who never touch the football - most of them in fact. He had two choices - he could play with his friends - whether they passed the ball to him or not - to the best of his ability, and try and intercept the ball or play the best defense he could. Or he could play with his other friends who were not playing the game at all. It was his choice. At the end of our devotion time, I asked him to pray to God for recess tomorrow, and to pray for his friends. His prayer went something like this "Lord, please hide the football tomorrow so we won't have to play". Ok, not exactly what I was after, but that is what his heart felt so I didn't say anything. I went on to finish our prayer time praying for wisdom for my son to make the right choice during recess the next day. The next day I prayed for him all morning, and even drove by the playground when I thought he would be there. They had already gone in, but one of the boy's moms was outside and we talked for a bit (nothing major - but definitely God ordained that she was there). Later that day when my son came home, I asked him how recess went. He nonchalantly said that they had played soccer - they couldn't find the football. He went on to tell me what great plays he made defensively and as a goalie - he was so excited! That night during our devotion time, I reminded him that he had a lot to thank God for. That the God who created the universe thought of him today and helped him to have a great recess. So during his prayer, he thanked God for getting rid of the football. I secretly thanked Him too.

The mind of a 3 year old!

I love picking my 3 year old up from preschool. The discussion about his day that follows on the ride home is one of my favorite times of the week. Today he was showing me how baby sharks bite (by taking his forefinger and thumb and pressing them together) and how big sharks bite (by taking his whole arms and closing them together). After the shark lesson, he said he prayed to God today. I asked him what he prayed to God about and he replied "Jesus". (That is pretty much his standard answer after any Sunday School or preschool morning when I ask him what he learned about). Then he asked "How does Jesus get in my heart?" I told him all he has to do is ask Jesus and Jesus will come into his heart and stay with him forever. It was quiet for a minute, then he gasped "but I don't have a pocket on my shirt!" After I suppressed my giggles I told him he didn't need a pocket. "But how will I walk around with Jesus in me?" Knowing full well I was being outwitted by my toddler, I told him when he was older we could talk about it and he would understand it. "No" he replied "I want to talk about it now, Mommy." So I said something along the philosophical lines of "he gets smaller to come into your heart". (A theologian I am not!) That seemed to suffice, for now. These conversations are coming up more and more lately with both my children. My 7 year old can understand better the full weight of the decision to follow Christ, where my 3 year old can't just yet. How grateful I am that he attends a preschool where he knows already, at age 3, that Jesus loves him and wants to be in his heart! What an awesome gift.

Sweet Sounds

My 3 year old has the cutest habit of singing and talking himself to sleep. Last weekend while I was away, my husband caught him on the couch singing "Mommy will be home on Saturday" over and over again. Tonight, I can hear him as I type singing talking to his stuffed "doggy" as he calls him. He's saying "I love you doggy; but I love Grandma too". "I love day-day (his nickname for older brother)" Now he is just humming. How I wish I could box those sounds up and carry them with me wherever I go!

Dropping the defense shield

I will be the first to tell you I do not have the perfect marriage. I have a terrific husband that I am thankful for, but we have been together for 20 years and there have been a lot of growing pains over that time. But even after 20 years together, I still find myself puzzled that I keep making the same mistakes over and over again (him too). The other day we had a conversation over the phone about an issue that has been a recurring one for the last several months. You know those conversations don't you? The ones that keep coming up so often you might as well record them and just say to each other - "stop! roll tape". I knew when it began where it was going and it started in it's normal way: topic brought up, I get defensive, he gets defensive, I get louder, he tells me not to yell, etc., etc. But this time something changed. I don't know whether I was just tired from a long day, or maybe I just didn't want to have the same conversation again, but right at the time I usually am getting angrier, I let my guard down. I literally felt my body ease up, my grip on the phone lessen, and I took a deep breath and said what I really felt (pain) instead of what I wanted him to think I was feeling (anger). Even though we were on the phone, he could feel my pain without even seeing my expression. There was a long pause, he said he was sorry, so did I, and the conversation took a better turn. Things have been different since then too. Anger, for me, is usually a direct result of pain or some deeper emotion that I just don't want to have to acknowledge. If I take the time to dig a little deeper, and let my guard down long enough to express it to the right person, it usually gets resolved. If not, it will fester and grow and before long will turn me into something I don't recognize anymore. I am thankful that the Lord has such patience with me. Even when I am angry with Him, He knows the underlying cause, even if I don't. And given enough time, He usually helps me find my way.

Germs everywhere!

The stomach bug is going around and as I write this, I am praying the Lord protects us from it. My dear friend Sarah's little girl was hospitalized last week because of it. As I was driving from preschool to home, the Lord prompted me to visit them. I started to argue...."but Lord, I can't subject my family to that horrible virus, she'll understand". "I'll protect you" was all I heard, so I turned around and headed to the hospital. I was thankful we got to see her and my youngest brought her little one a praying doll, which she loved. Sunday we went to a birthday party for a family friend - their oldest is my son's best friend, their youngest turned 3 and is a good friend of my youngest. We got there and heard that their oldest was sick upstairs with a virus. We hadn't been there 30 minutes when the grandmother came downstairs and announced that their son had just thrown up. Great. They played baseball together on Saturday, so we had already been subjected to it, but nevertheless I felt nauseous just being that close to it. I know I am overly cautious when it comes to illness, especially the stomach virus. I have found other moms like me, and then some the complete opposite. Now my dear friend yesterday had no idea her son had a stomach bug. If she did, I doubt she would have let 20 adults and all their children in her home. But I know of several who will send their kids to school, or still carry on with parties, work, whatever, knowing full well they could make others sick. That is what drives me nuts! If you are reading this I am not talking to you. If you were like that we would not be friends! Just kidding....not really. Anyway, keep praying no one in your family gets this bug - it's nasty.