Comparison

Summers for us, for as long as we have had our boys, have been unscheduled, unrushed, and pure bliss.  When the boys were little, every day seemed like summer.  No school, no homework.  I loved being able to walk them in their stroller up to the grocery store or the park.  As they grew older, and preschool, then “real” school started, I coveted our summers.  Being able to sleep in and stay in our pajamas some days was the goal.  And I loved it!

But one summer, I noticed a lot of my friends had activities planned for their kids.  Not just a few things; it seemed like every week they scheduled camps and sports and church activities for their kids.  Their summers seemed just as busy as the rest of their year.  I started to think, “maybe my kids are missing out”.  I thought that maybe I should take these summer months to broaden their horizons or find a new passion for them the way my friends were doing.

Because I was so late in realizing I was the only mom in the world who hadn’t scheduled out my children’s summer, there wasn’t much left to choose from.  The only camp I could find was an art camp for my younger son and a sports camp for my older one.  So, off we trekked to broaden horizons and learn a new craft.  My boys spent this week in their camp and didn’t complain a whole lot.  I came home each day and got stuff done, but each day I missed them and wished they were home goofing off.  Nothing I did felt right. 

You see, I didn’t look at my kids and wonder what I would want for them.  What they might want to do.  I didn’t step back and pray about what our summer needed to look like.  I looked at what everyone else was doing and followed along.  It was stupid.

Jason made this craft that week, and I keep it out on the bookshelf for two reasons:  1) this day camp cost me $200 and this is all I have to show for it and 2) as a reminder that I am their only mom.  I am the only mom God entrusted with these two boys to teach them about His love and grace and how to depend on Him.  If camps and activities are to be a part of their summers, then it’s up to me to make that decision.  What my friends do with their kids is up to them.   I make a lot of mistakes.  A LOT.  But I am always reminded of that week every spring when it’s time to register for camps and such.  Now, we do camps; don’t get me wrong.  My oldest has gone on mission trips, and my youngest does church and sport camps.  It’s not that we don’t do these things. But we do them because we want to, or because we think it’s in the best interest of our boys.  Not because everyone else is doing it.

I still catch myself comparing.  It’s easy to do, and there are lots of people seemingly doing life better than me to compare myself to.  What I have learned as my boys get older is that there will always be someone who is better at Math or golf or baseball, or whatever, than your kid.  Teaching them to be the best that God created them to be is the goal.  And giving myself a whole lot of grace for when we do a stupid art camp is another.

Let the Trumpet blow for thee....

There was a band test today....one he wasn't prepared for.  He tried to practice yesterday, but was quickly frustrated and gave up.  His throat was hurting, his lips weren't cooperating, he had a headache.  The reasons were many.  He went to bed frustrated, saying he was too sick to go to school tomorrow.  Yes.  I have heard this one before.

This morning wasn't any better.  In fact, it was worse.  He wouldn't eat his breakfast.  He sat at the table complaining that he was too "sick" (again) to go to school until it was almost too late for him to change out of his pajamas.  I held it together for a while.  I wasn't giving in.  He wasn't giving in.  I had to go to work.  He couldn't stay home.  He finally went upstairs and got dressed.  I don't know if he brushed his teeth.  I don't know if he changed his underwear.  But he made it downstairs in time to leave.  He cried all the way to school.  Told me he wished I would believe him.  Wondered why I didn't trust him when he said he was sick.  Begged me to let him stay home.

We made it to school but he wasn't backing down.  Neither was I.  I couldn't get him out of the car the first time in carpool.  I dropped the older one off then circled back around and parked.  I told him again he was going to school.  I reassured him that it's ok not to be perfect; not to do well.  He would survive not passing the band test.  He cried harder.  I pulled back in carpool line.  He refused to get out.  I opened the van door as I sat there trying not to cry.  I told him he needed to go.  It was going to be ok.  A line of cars were backing up behind me.  He kept crying.  Cars now were going around me and looking back wondering what the holdup was.  I finally got out of the drivers seat, grabbed his band instrument, and told him it was time to go.  His final words were "Please don't do this to me". 

I drove to work numb.  What an awful mom.  Was it really that big of a deal to let him come to work with me, or pick him up early before the test?  (That was the final negotiation tactic he tried.)  My husband, Saint that he is, reassured me I did the right thing.  "He has to know he will survive days like this.  He has to realize the importance of being prepared.  If we do this once it will start a pattern."  I knew all of this, and yet, my heart was broken right in two.

I could barely focus at work and prayed for him all throughout the day.  When 2 p.m. came and I knew he would be taking his test, I prayed for God to help him. For God to comfort him when I couldn't.

I picked him up this afternoon.  He was happy to see me and even said he thought about me throughout the day.  I looked back at him and asked how it went.  "I made a 97".  I pulled the car over.  "A 97?!"  I hugged him and gave him a high five as he looked at me sheepishly. 

Thank you, Mom, is what he said.

Perseverance comes in many forms.....especially when you are a mom. God is good.

Summer so far

Our summer so far has consisted of approximately

225 sodas
59 pizzas
12 bags of Oreo's
20 trips to Baskin Robbins
360 hours of Xbox
1 trip to New England & New York City
1 Drivers Permit achieved
50 days sleeping in past 9
10 days sleeping in past 11
25 friends over
1 Comic Book Convention
10 sleepovers
20 family movie nights at home
2 trips to the movie theater
28 Nerf gun wars
1 church camp trip
8 pajama days
2 golf lessons
300 hours of watching tv
0 books read
0 math worksheets completed
0 supplies bought
0 brain cells developed

and you know what.....I don't care because it's summer!!!

In 3 weeks our life will be turned upside down with homework and tests and grades and homework and pop quiz's and packed lunches and forgotten instruments and homework.  So I have ZERO regret over any of it.

You get one chance to be a kid and I hope my kids remember that summer was the best.

Chicken Pasta with Roasted Peppers

 This is one of my husband's favorite meals and honestly, I don't make it often enough, but last night I did.  It was delicious!  Here is the recipe:

1 16 oz box of Penne noodles
4 Chicken Breasts cooked and cut into bite sized pieces
2 large cans diced tomatos
1 onion, diced
Garlic
5-6 peppers (red, green, yellow) roasted
Parmesan cheese




First, take peppers and cut into quarters, removing the stem and seeds.

Place quarter pieces on an aluminum foil lined cookie sheet and place under the broiler for about 30 minutes or until the skin bubbles up.

As the peppers are roasting, prepare the pasta according to directions.

In a large deep skillet, cook the onion until done and remove.  Now here, if I had garlic, I would have added it.  But I didn't.  Moving on!

In the same skillet, cook the chicken until done.

Add back in the onion.

Slowly pour your cans of diced tomatoes over the chicken and onion mixture.  To be honest here, I didn't use two full cans as I don't like that many tomatoes in mine.  But I did use the juice from the second can and some of the tomatoes.  I also like the taste of tomatoes that are canned with garlic, oregano and/or basil.  There are all types so play around with it!

Once the peppers are finished roasting, remove them from the pan using tongs and place in ice water to help cool.

 Then take each pepper and start peeling off the skin.  Cut them into julienne strips and add to your tomato sauce.

 Combine the sauce with your finished pasta, sprinkle some Parmesan cheese and you are finished!

Enjoy!

When thoughts turn in to monsters

Have you ever seen a garden gnome?  They seem cute right?  Well, some of them.  Some are kind of ugly, but the one I saw today was cute.  My boys were watching a cartoon this morning that had little cartoon gnomes that looked like this:  

Cute as they look, these little gnomes had an agenda.  They stood on top of each other, put a long black coat on and disguised themselves as a teenage boy to gain the love of a girl they wanted to be their queen.
    When the truth came out and the little girl didn't want to marry a bunch of creepy gnomes, it turned ugly.  These gnomes banded together to create an hideous monster that chased this little girl through the forest.  One sweet little gnome, grouped together working side by side for evil turned into this:

This cartoon reminded me a lot of my thought life.  I have a really bad tendency to beat myself up over a lot of things; bad parenting, not focusing on my marriage, my weight, my lack of obedience....the list goes on and on.  These thoughts, when they first begin, seem harmless enough.  "I wish I would have worked out today."  "I should have taken more time to talk to my son instead of reacting so poorly."  In and of themselves, those little thoughts can be used by the Lord to convict me to do something different the next time.  But I first have to confess them to Him and ask Him if they are coming from Him and what He wants me to do.  That's fail most of the time.  Much like the gnomes from the cartoon, I tend to allow these thoughts to pile on top of one another, never confessing them to the Lord.  Before I know it, they have turned into an ugly beast that takes me right down.  "You will never be good enough to be used by God".  "You will never be the Mom you want to be."   "You will always be overweight and depressed."   That is satan's agenda.......to keep me isolated; to keep me believing I am worthless so I do nothing.

My devotion this morning was from Jesus Calling and says "Rather than using your energy to judge yourself, redirect it to praising Me."  When these thoughts come, and they will, I must first confess them to the Lord.  "Lord, these bad thoughts are coming again.  Are they from you?  If so, tell me what I need to do.  If not, please remove them."  Then turn to Him and thank Him for who He is and who satan is not.  "Lord, thank you that You are the ruler of all things.  Thank you that satan has no power over me and my thoughts."  Then MOVE ON!  Just because a thought comes into my head doesn't mean I have to pull up a seat next to it and offer it tea and cookies.  Kick it out!  And one by one, the gnomes will disappear.

Conviction comes from the Lord.  Condemnation comes from satan.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"  Romans 8:1

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5

"Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame."  Psalm 34:5

Why the Supreme Court decison gives me hope

The Supreme Court ruled yesterday that marriage is no longer defined between a man and a women.  Gay couples can now marry in the United States and be recognized as a couple just like heterosexual couples have always been recognized.  I have watched my Facebook page blow up with everyone's opinions, for and against (mostly against on my feed) and many friends changed their profile pictures to a rainbow of colors for their profile pictures.

If I'm honest here, I was disappointed yesterday. I believe the Lord designed marriage to be between a man and a woman.  I don't think there is any question about that.  To see the White House lit up in gay colors gave me great pause.  But as I watched opinions fly back and forth on the news and on my Facebook feed, I wondered what God really wanted us, as Jesus followers, to do in this situation.

It's amazing how much I have bounced back and forth from being angry and fearful over this event, to being filled with love and compassion for the gay community.  I know what this decision means for our country....the path this puts us on at breakneck speed.  I know the whole Sodom and Gomorrah references and comparisons.  When I allow it, fear creeps in when I think about what my children will have to endure.  I see news about persecution of Christians and evangelicals predicting there is more to come and I believe them.  You can't be a Jesus lover in this country and not see the turn we are taking. A man can marry and man in a courthouse where no biblical reference is allowed.  I get it. 

I'm not gay, but I wonder what it has been like for them to be left out.  To be condemned.  To be told you don't belong because of who you love or how you feel.  When I stop being fearful and judgmental for a minute, I think about the people behind the label.  The people God loves.  The people Jesus died for.  I wonder if I were labeled because of my sin and was condemned by others the way we condemn them, would that make me want to be friends with them?  To know them?

Maybe if I stop judging and just love.  Maybe if I stop.  Maybe.  If I set down my fear and condemnation and "you're going to hell" attitude, maybe then I might have a chance to get to know them.  Get to be friends with them.  Maybe I will understand a little more and judge a little less.  And maybe then I can tell them about Jesus.

This is why yesterday gives me hope.  Because none of this comes as a surprise to the God I love.  I know how this all ends.  No Jesus follower wants sin and what the ramifications are on us as people and a country; but it's here.  Always has been since Eve listened to the snake and acted on it.  It's time I stop listening to the snake and focus my eyes on the God who makes all things and allows all things to happen. 

My how things change!

We took the boys to NewHampshire this summer and ate at our favorite place in Lincoln called "Flapjacks".  I am amazed at how much they have grown.  The first picture is from the summer of 2013 - the next one is just this summer - two years later.   Yowza!  David sure has grown!