Surrender

Several years ago my husband and I took the Crown Financial study course at our church. It helped us in many areas, but the one thing I remember most about that course when it comes to our finances is this - none of it is ours. God has given us the responsibility to be good stewards of the gifts he has given us, but they are His. This applies to all things: the house, the car, the colorless den furniture I regret buying. It also applies to my husband, my children...me. I remember at one point during that course we were to acknowledge that all these things are from the Lord and are His. We were to do it in whatever way we chose. I decided the only way I could do it was to walk around my house, lay my hands on "my" possessions, and say "Lord, this home is yours. Thank you for blessing us with it. May you use your house to bring you glory". I did pretty good until I got to my kids who were peacefully sleeping upstairs. To lay your hands on your child and give him or her to the Lord, and I mean completely, was hard for me. It was the beginning of realizing how little I trusted the One who loved me most. The Lord has kept me on my knees more in the last month than I can ever recall. But through it, He is showing me that He can be trusted. Last week I was struggling with how to pray. The balance between praying for what I want, what I believe is His will, versus asking for His will to be done even if that contradicts what I am asking, is difficult. There are times in my life I have prayed so fervently for things and God has graciously answered my prayers. But then there are other times when I have prayed fervently, wasn't getting any answers, and then conceded to pray for His will. There was one time in my life when conceding to His will devastated me. My prayer life has never been the same. Hence, I have a hard time letting go - relinquishing my will for His. There are some bumps coming in the road and I can see them. I try not to be frightened, for I know He will meet our needs. Yet, I don't like change. No, actually, I hate change. I don't want my lifestyle to change, and hopefully it won't. But the Lord is teaching me to pray for his perfect will. That the plan He laid out for me before I was born to come to fruition. I personally am a big fan of his permissive will instead - the one where He answers our prayers because it's what we want and because He loves us so much. There have been times in my life the Lord has allowed things that I know weren't in His perfect plan for me. I'm tired of having 2nd or 3rd best though, I want THE best, the perfect plan for my life and those of my family. The only way to have that is to pray for His will to be done in my life - and then listen to what He is telling me. Ok Lord, I'm listening, and surrendering all this "stuff" that is yours anyway. You can do what you want with me.

The Power of Prayer

A dear friend of mine had terrible news this week that no mother should ever have to hear. Her 8 year old son has a brain tumor. Her son is just a grade ahead of our oldest at the same school, she teaches my youngest in Sunday school and we serve on a church ministry team together. News around our church spread fast and the family was overwhelmed by the amount of support they received. This is one of those moments where most of us struggle with what to do. He is not my son, but I have wept and prayed for him as if he was. I felt my heart break for my friend's pain of having to see her oldest child go through this. I wanted to go down to the hospital, to bring them cookies or a book, to take their youngest to the park or go and get their mail or mow their yard. Just do something...anything. Maybe it's just our nature, especially as moms, to feel like if we are doing something, we have control. "If I'm outside with my children, nothing will happen to them". Any one of us who has watched their child fall off the swing knows that is not true. No, we don't have control. God gives us responsibilities, not control. God knows we don't have control. He says so in 1 Timothy 6:15 "God....is the blessed controller of all things, the king over all kings and the master of all masters". So what do we do? We, as Christians, instinctively pray. So we did. My friend's son was scheduled for surgery this morning so a group of about 20 of us moms and all our kids headed to a local park at 10 a.m., the time of his surgery, and we prayed. We prayed for his safety, we prayed for his healing, we prayed for peace and strength and skilled surgeons hands. We prayed through crying and long pauses to gain composure. We prayed specific prayers and we also prayed for God's will to be done. I was so blessed to be a part of it. To watch these women cry out to God on behalf of this family, each in their own unique way of praying was powerful and something I will never forget. I kept thinking that just this time last week my friend was at the beach with her family, playing and enjoying the last few weeks of summer. She couldn't possibly have known this was how much her life was going to change in a week; but God knew. God walks before us and that brings comfort to me. No matter whether you see the storms in your life rolling in, or they pop up out of nowhere and throw you around, God is with you. He has walked before you, is walking with you now, and will walk with you tomorrow. His love and grace never changes, and He doesn't love you any less because He has allowed something tragic to happen to you. (The child's surgery went well and they are pretty sure his tumor is benign. They will know more in the coming days and then he will have another surgery to completely remove the tumor. Thank you God, for your grace and mercy and love.)