Where have I been?

I knew it had been a long while since I last posted, but September!? My mother always told me if you don't have something nice to say, keep your mouth shut (actually she didn't say that, but that is how I have felt lately). I truly have been in a funk - lots of legitimate reasons - but I didn't have much positive to post about, so I didn't. Things haven't changed around here much. We are still looking for a house (which has been 90% of the reason for my funk), living with mold in our apartment, but thankfully our unruly neighbors have moved and been replaced by a wonderful.....quiet....family. Thank God for little blessings. We also have had to deal with some family situations that have been ongoing for a while with our extended family. Couple that with the hormones that come with turning 40 (like being pregnant on crack) and sometimes the stress of all this gets the best of me and I am overwhelmed. I've heard it said that a person's true character comes out under strain. If that is true, than I am ashamed to admit how my character has been lately. The stress of these last few months have made me feel like the Israelites in the desert. Instead of being thankful that God is providing for me and my family every single day, I have been focused on the one thing he hasn't answered for me yet. How selfish! He provides and provides and provides and yet I'm asking "yeah, but what about this?" Do we children ever grow up? God has, through stripping me of my control, taught me to rely on him solely. Not my husband, whom I have always been able to count on. He's a perfect husband for me, but he's not God. That is one lesson I have learned through all this. What a terrible weight to put on another human being - to take the place of God. Being a control freak - you always think YOU are going to be able to handle anything that happens - YOU are going to be able to control external circumstances from interfering with your life. Guess what? You can't. That is where the sole reliance on God has to come in. I only thought I was relying on God. It wasn't until things slipped from my control and all the balls I was juggling came crashing down that I realized, I wasn't relying on him much at all. There are many great lessons that have come out of the past few months (years) and I am sure many more to come. The stress is still there, the not knowing what each day will bring is still there, the feeling of being out of control is still there; but so is God. More now than ever. You never know how strong something is until you have your full weight on it. He's strong. Stronger than anything I have to deal with. Stronger than anything you have to deal with. Why I try to carry this weight on my own is out of pure pride and control on my part. How much lighter the load is when I give it to the only one that can carry it - and does so willingly. What a wonderful Father we have that, even after all our whining, is still there - waiting with open arms and a willing shoulder to cry on. How thankful I am today for his love.