Loving and letting go

This summer has been very different for me than in the previous 2 summers. First, we're in an apartment - a fact that I absolutely love. There is a lot to be said about feeling comfortable where you live. I'll post more about that later. The second thing that is so different for me this summer is - no MOPS. The previous 2 summers had been filled with phone calls, prayer, research, more prayer, typing letters and emails, asking people to help, much more prayer, etc. to get our meetings together. To say it was stressful was an understatement, and yet it was so rewarding. My summers were full with meetings, conversations with friends and church staff, and a deep, deep reliance upon the Lord to help me do what I couldn't do without him. This summer has been, well, boring. Don't get me wrong, I love boring. But what I hadn't expected was to feel somewhat lost. I like having things to do, people relying on me (other than my family, of course). I also hadn't expected to feel a sense of emptiness in the loss of this huge part of my life. I loved being a part of MOPS; I loved my girls that I worked along side; and I loved seeing a meeting come together and watching women be touched by what we did as a team - what the Lord did through us. It's very strange to see what was this huge part of my heart go on without me. Is it vanity? To think that these meetings could somehow survive, let alone thrive, without me being a part of it? I don't think so. It's much like being a mom. Your children rely on you daily for things - "Mom, where's my shoes; where's my book bag; can I have chicken again for dinner?" that it becomes a part of who you are as a mom - being there for them; answering every question, praying for them; loving them. But when they go off and lead their own lives, you're not needed as much any more. What a weird feeling that must be. What a deep emptiness must come with that. That's sort of how I feel this summer. As meetings are being held without my input, as new friendships are being formed, as speakers and leaders are being selected that I don't have a clue about, I have an empty-nest syndrome of my own. My friends will laugh at this post - especially the ones who counseled me through my years leading MOPS - and know how much I have loved this summer - and I have. But there still is a part of me that is sad. It makes me wonder what the Lord is going to fill that hole with - and how much I will be complaining about it again.