Life in the ER

We had a scare the other night. First off, everyone is fine. My husband was working late and called to say his vision was acting "weird". Waviness, flashes of light, headache. It's odd how when something like that happens we think the worst, or at least I do. Any little pain with me and I'm sure it's cancer....not just a pulled muscle. But with a history in his family of brain aneurysms and tumors, we did have some justification for worry. My husband felt bad enough to go to the ER, which for me was a sure sign something was wrong. The short of it is he had a migraine...his first ever. But on the drive over to the hospital still not knowing what was wrong, with the boys silent in the middle row of our van, I had enough time to go from total peace that he was going to be ok and this was nothing, to how I was going to raise these boys without him....and then back again. Seeing him on the gurney in a hospital gown scared me to death and made me realize how quickly our lives can change. I held it together that night, but the next day I couldn't stop crying. I am not a crier. I hate it. It makes me feel out of control and that is something I am not comfortable with. So to cry all day is totally out of character for me. I cried out to the Lord to show me what we are supposed to take from this and why I was falling apart all day. We have been struggling so much with finding balance - what should stay in our lives and what needs to go. Was this some sign from God to give up something...or was it just an attack from the enemy who wants us to live in fear? I still don't know yet. My husband is fine. Thank God. And through that scare he said something that made me comforted and sad all at the same time. He told me that night when he saw so much concern on my face for him, he realized how much I loved him. I'm glad he felt that, but it made me wonder what I am doing (or not doing) that he doesn't know that every other day of his life.