MOPS Revisited

I had a great opportunity last night to spend some times with my MOPS girls again. My how I have missed them! I was asked to share my testimony on how MOPS affected my life to the girls, along with my friends Nancy, Kristina, and Jen. It was amazing to me how the Lord moved in all our lives through MOPS. I was especially thankful that my sister-in-law came to her first MOPS meeting with me last night. The Lord had been laying on her heart to start a group for her church, and she felt last night's meeting was made by the Lord just for her. She left more excited than ever about starting a group! As I had been frantically working on my testimony the last few weeks, the Lord again used my experience with MOPS to do a work in me. As when I took over as Coordinator for MOPS and felt completely over my head and out of control (not good for a type-A person like me), I today am feeling that way - only on a lesser level. Not knowing what the future may bring, and feeling a little cramped in this apartment, along with other everyday stresses have left me feeling hopeless some days. I again turned to my normal comfort zones for happiness: food, wine, chocolate, vegging out in front of the tv, etc. It has not been good for me and my mental health on most days. But as I was writing my testimony that I would speak to these ladies, the Lord whispered in my ear "why aren't you turning to me now like you did back then?" I couldn't read the words "I know I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me" without feeling a pang in my heart that I wasn't really living it. Did I really believe what I was writing? I did back then, when I felt to desperate for his help and his love and his comfort. But what about now? Somewhere between last May when I "retired" from my position, to today, I had lost the intimate connection I had with my loving Father. The only answer I have for that loss is that I didn't need him as much. I was back to the day in, day out of everyday life and I said to myself "thanks Lord. You were really there for me in my time of need, but I can take it from here. This is boring, easy stuff. You can have a seat over there for now." I still had my quiet time, but not the on-my-knees, "please help me Lord" desperation I had back then. I suppose it's human nature to only cry out to the Lord in desperate times, but why? Why do I ever presume I can carry on with my life without his presence? The Lord has shown me once again this week that I can do nothing apart from him. If I try to do the basic things without his help, I will fail. My marriage will suffer; my family will suffer; I will suffer - and I have. He has shown me, through my own written testimony, that he wants to be the center of my life. He wants me to come to him with everything - life altering or not. I am grateful once again that he used MOPS to draw me closer to him and show me the way.