A sad anniversary

Today marks 13 years that my father went to be with the Lord. In some ways it doesn't seem that long, and in other ways it does. I was 25 when my father died, had only been married 3 years and had no children. A lot has changed. It makes me sad that my father hasn't been here to share in my joy and sorrow; to talk to when I need advice or just to be able to feel his hug or hear his voice. The thought that he is watching from above brings little comfort to me. I miss him terribly. The cavernous void that was left with his passing the Lord has graciously filled over time, although there will always be a deep void that will always be there. I think back to how I felt 13 years ago and how my thoughts on his death changed my life. It wasn't until I put a photo album together for my first son about his grandfather several years ago that the Lord spoke to me about anger and resentment over his death. It was cathartic for me to go through old pictures of my father and hear what his friends and family had to say about him. I cried like he had died all over again. But as I was putting the finishing touches on the album, the Lord spoke to me in a voice I have yet to hear that clearly again. He said "Sherri, look at the life I gave your father. You have focused on his death, focus on his life". So from that point on whenever I think about my dad, I think about my years with him. I am flooded with memories of him pulling me and my brother on a sled; me baking cupcakes for him in my easy-bake oven; the patience only a father could have trying to teach his daughter piano at age 6. I remember fondly now the boundaries he put around me that I resented as a teenager and how often those boundaries protected me from my own naivety. The strength of a father to walk his only daughter down the aisle - keeping from her how much pain he was in so that she could enjoy her day. It has taken me years to get to this point, but I am thankful for so many wonderful memories the Lord allowed me to share with my dad. Philippians 4:8 is my verse for today "...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things". I have many questions to ask the Lord when I get to heaven as to why my father had to suffer and die at such a young age. But for now, I cling to this verse and remember a loving father whom I miss very much but will one day be reunited with again.