Surrender

Several years ago my husband and I took the Crown Financial study course at our church. It helped us in many areas, but the one thing I remember most about that course when it comes to our finances is this - none of it is ours. God has given us the responsibility to be good stewards of the gifts he has given us, but they are His. This applies to all things: the house, the car, the colorless den furniture I regret buying. It also applies to my husband, my children...me. I remember at one point during that course we were to acknowledge that all these things are from the Lord and are His. We were to do it in whatever way we chose. I decided the only way I could do it was to walk around my house, lay my hands on "my" possessions, and say "Lord, this home is yours. Thank you for blessing us with it. May you use your house to bring you glory". I did pretty good until I got to my kids who were peacefully sleeping upstairs. To lay your hands on your child and give him or her to the Lord, and I mean completely, was hard for me. It was the beginning of realizing how little I trusted the One who loved me most. The Lord has kept me on my knees more in the last month than I can ever recall. But through it, He is showing me that He can be trusted. Last week I was struggling with how to pray. The balance between praying for what I want, what I believe is His will, versus asking for His will to be done even if that contradicts what I am asking, is difficult. There are times in my life I have prayed so fervently for things and God has graciously answered my prayers. But then there are other times when I have prayed fervently, wasn't getting any answers, and then conceded to pray for His will. There was one time in my life when conceding to His will devastated me. My prayer life has never been the same. Hence, I have a hard time letting go - relinquishing my will for His. There are some bumps coming in the road and I can see them. I try not to be frightened, for I know He will meet our needs. Yet, I don't like change. No, actually, I hate change. I don't want my lifestyle to change, and hopefully it won't. But the Lord is teaching me to pray for his perfect will. That the plan He laid out for me before I was born to come to fruition. I personally am a big fan of his permissive will instead - the one where He answers our prayers because it's what we want and because He loves us so much. There have been times in my life the Lord has allowed things that I know weren't in His perfect plan for me. I'm tired of having 2nd or 3rd best though, I want THE best, the perfect plan for my life and those of my family. The only way to have that is to pray for His will to be done in my life - and then listen to what He is telling me. Ok Lord, I'm listening, and surrendering all this "stuff" that is yours anyway. You can do what you want with me.