I am a type A, controlling person; I'll admit it. No shocking news there. But what I find interesting is how much I think I control everything about myself and those around me. I don't think I'm out of the ordinary in this. There are some of us that take credit for the good and take none of the blame for the bad. There are those where the opposite it true. Then there are the few that say "God allowed this blessing" AND "God allowed this suffering" without taking any credit or blame. When you look through the bible on suffering or hardships, there are several accounts of people that brought on their own suffering - David comes to mind. Peter also is one I think of. Peter denied Jesus 3 times and I would imagine suffered greatly in spirit for his denial. Then there are those that suffering was allowed to come upon them by no fault of their own. So many, in fact. The obvious, Job, but then there is Joseph, the Apostle Paul, John the Baptist. Jesus. Jesus. The one without sin, the one whom no one can say - "well, if He had only done this, he would be alive today". He was perfect, without sin, and yet, He suffered more than anyone. The sin of the world was laid upon him and God turned His face away. There is no greater suffering than that. When I compare my suffering to Jesus, there is no comparison. Why is it then, when things aren't going well, or I feel God's presence has vanished, that I believe it's something I have done. Granted, there are times when I have willingly walked into sin - and paid for it. But honestly, looking back, most times God has rescued me from my sin, not punished me for it. Jesus did no wrong, and yet suffered for us all. Going back to Peter. I love the story of Peter. He denied Jesus 3 times, and yet, when Jesus was resurrected, the angel in the tomb told Mary to go and tell the disciples...and Peter. He specifically called Peter by name. He must have known that Peter no longer felt he was a disciple of Jesus after denying Him 3 times. But what a beautiful story of God's grace and abundant love. I often think of Peter when I am feeling a distance from God that I am blaming on myself. I love the Lord for including that story in His word for us.