Amazed

There are days when my kids totally blow me away by what they do - sometimes good, sometimes bad! Mostly good though. One example is David and baseball. He has always loved to play baseball, and at the end of last season, he told the coach he wanted to try pitching. Well, the season ended before he got a chance, so this season he told the coach on day one he wanted to try. I'll be honest, last season I was apprehensive about letting him try. Pitching is a lot of work, and a lot of stress. At this age, games are won and lost (by a lot of runs) based on a pitchers ability or inability. We've watched sweet little boys cry at the end of the game because they couldn't get the ball over the plate. But after his throwing ability showed up during flag football, I was no longer apprehensive about letting him do it. The second game in, the coach asked the pitching coach if David was ready and he said yes. David has pitched no less than 2 innings (out of 5) for every game since. Coach told him his first game was the best start for a first time pitcher he's ever seen. I am so proud of him, not just in his ability to play, but how calm he is on the mound. Whether he strikes someone out, hits the batter, or walks him, his reaction never changes. No fists pumping, no pouting, no beating himself up. He is calm and steady (he obviously gets this from his father!). While I am pacing the fence, he is steady as a rock. I love that God has given him a natural love of pitching, and baseball, and it's not something we manufactured in him. The greatest joy I have on Saturday is to see that he is having fun - win or lose.

My first love......

Alright, he's not my first love, my husband is. But this guy comes in at a close second! A sweet friend of mine sent me an email for my birthday that said "Someone has a special message for you" and in it was this picture. The funny thing about it is, we have been friends forever and found out just this year that back in 1982 we went to the same Rick Springfield concert at Carowinds. I will never forget it - it was my first concert that my parents allowed me to go to after months of begging. It was my 13th birthday so they caved - and boy was I glad they did. I was among thousands of screaming girls packed in the stands like sardines and loved every minute of it! There is no relevance to this post. I just wanted his gorgeous picture to forever be on my blog! Great memories! Thanks Kimberly for sending this to me!

Mother's Day 2010

What a great weekend this was! I turned 41 (yikes) on Saturday and then had a wonderful Mother's day. Last week Jason's TK class had a mother's day brunch for us. We were treated to muffins, coffee, juice, an art show and all the wonderful things our children had made for us (notice the lollipop corsage on my jacket!). His teacher read a story of all the "lasts" we should hold on to. This was especially moving for me as this is our "last" child going through WEE School. I cried (as did most moms) as she read the story, and then when I got to the car I cried a lot more. These years go by so fast. Between school, activities, looking for a house, church activities, etc. time has just flown by. It was precious to me to be able to sit with my son and enjoy time just me and him. I will never forget it. I spent my birthday on the ball field watching David pitch 3 terrific innings and help lead his team to a win. My friends surprised me at the field by singing happy birthday to me - sweet! Then we went to look at our new house! More on that later. Mother's day was filled with both boys asking me all day if there was anything they could do for me. We went to church and then at Five Guys with my mom and my brother and his family. The children got to run around at the park while mom and I watched and had a coffee - that was a lot of fun. Each Mother's day I am reminded of a time, not too long ago, when I wondered if I would ever celebrate this day for myself. There were many years before we had David that I truly wasn't sure if God was going to bless us with children. Mother's day is a special day to remember that time, and be thankful that God chose to bless us in this way. Yes, the days get hectic, the emotions run high and the schedules are full, but this is the life I have always wanted. To be a wife, and a mom - that was my goal. And I praise God today for loving me enough to bless me in this way. I can't imagine a life more full.

Where have I been?

I knew it had been a long while since I last posted, but September!? My mother always told me if you don't have something nice to say, keep your mouth shut (actually she didn't say that, but that is how I have felt lately). I truly have been in a funk - lots of legitimate reasons - but I didn't have much positive to post about, so I didn't. Things haven't changed around here much. We are still looking for a house (which has been 90% of the reason for my funk), living with mold in our apartment, but thankfully our unruly neighbors have moved and been replaced by a wonderful.....quiet....family. Thank God for little blessings. We also have had to deal with some family situations that have been ongoing for a while with our extended family. Couple that with the hormones that come with turning 40 (like being pregnant on crack) and sometimes the stress of all this gets the best of me and I am overwhelmed. I've heard it said that a person's true character comes out under strain. If that is true, than I am ashamed to admit how my character has been lately. The stress of these last few months have made me feel like the Israelites in the desert. Instead of being thankful that God is providing for me and my family every single day, I have been focused on the one thing he hasn't answered for me yet. How selfish! He provides and provides and provides and yet I'm asking "yeah, but what about this?" Do we children ever grow up? God has, through stripping me of my control, taught me to rely on him solely. Not my husband, whom I have always been able to count on. He's a perfect husband for me, but he's not God. That is one lesson I have learned through all this. What a terrible weight to put on another human being - to take the place of God. Being a control freak - you always think YOU are going to be able to handle anything that happens - YOU are going to be able to control external circumstances from interfering with your life. Guess what? You can't. That is where the sole reliance on God has to come in. I only thought I was relying on God. It wasn't until things slipped from my control and all the balls I was juggling came crashing down that I realized, I wasn't relying on him much at all. There are many great lessons that have come out of the past few months (years) and I am sure many more to come. The stress is still there, the not knowing what each day will bring is still there, the feeling of being out of control is still there; but so is God. More now than ever. You never know how strong something is until you have your full weight on it. He's strong. Stronger than anything I have to deal with. Stronger than anything you have to deal with. Why I try to carry this weight on my own is out of pure pride and control on my part. How much lighter the load is when I give it to the only one that can carry it - and does so willingly. What a wonderful Father we have that, even after all our whining, is still there - waiting with open arms and a willing shoulder to cry on. How thankful I am today for his love.

Living in peace

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18 We have been living on the bottom floor of an apartment building for 18 months as we continue to look for a house. We have had 3 families live above us during this time and overall, they have been courteous and respectful. The last family to move in, however, has not been. Their dogs bark at all hours of the day and night (including at us when we are coming home); their owners allow them to roam on the deck, which leaves a ton of dog hair on my patio furniture that I have to clean up. They also run around upstairs like they are wearing lead boots. This family has tested our patience - which is already hanging by a thread to begin with. If there is one pet peeve I have, it's being inconsiderate of others. One afternoon, after I had spent 2 hours cleaning dog hair off my patio furniture, I came home to find goldfish crackers and more dog hair all over my patio. I wish I can say I acted like Jesus when I saw this - full of love and grace. I did act like Jesus, but more like the picture I have of him when he was throwing tables out of the temple. It was not a pretty sight. My husband decided to take the lead with this one (I think he just didn't want me to go all psycho on them). He called the property and asked to have the manager call him. He stated "please do not do anything regarding this situation until I talk to the manager. I don't want to be at war with these people". We really just wanted to see if they would put a mat on their patio to keep the dog hair on their porch. The next day it sounded like a 50 lb. weight was being dropped on my ceiling - over and over and over again. Then I heard loud stomping and slamming things. My kitchen light fixture looked like it was about to come out of the ceiling. I knocked on the door to the upstairs apartment to see what the problem was. She finally came downstairs and was obviously upset. I asked her if everything was alright, she said she was exercising and slammed the door in my face. We found out later that the property went against my husband's wishes and sent them a letter. She has never been overly friendly, but now she was in retaliation mode, and I was at my wits end. Home wasn't home anymore, it felt like a combat zone. My husband talked to the property manager a couple days later and voiced his displeasure, but not much changed. I truly did not handle this very well either, I'll admit. My anger got the best of me at times and there are a few marks on the ceiling where a stray basketball went flying up. But in the midst of God working on my anger, he also was teaching me what it truly means to live at peace. I love that Romans 12:18 begins with "if it is possible". God knows it is not always possible to live at peace, and there are times action must be taken. We certainly have a right to live in the comfort of our home, but we didn't mean for this nasty letter to go out. I wrestled with the Lord, and myself with this one. Do I say something, or leave it be? My heart has been restless. I have been praying for the Lord to help me resolve this. I have been asking him to place her in my path so I can talk to her, if that is his will. If that wasn't his will, and I was to leave this situation alone, then I prayed for that too. To be honest, my more heartfelt prayers were that I would not have to confront her, and that I was justified in being angry and she would go on her merry way. God had other plans though. Today I came home and felt the urge to write her a note and stick it on her door. I didn't get the letter done before I left to go pick up David, but when I walked out the husband was standing near his car. With all the courage I could muster and shaking like a leaf, I walked up to him. I asked him to apologize to his wife for me. I told him I knew she was angry with me presumably about the letter, and I told him what our intentions were when we called the property. He was nice enough, but began to make excuses for their dogs and blamed another resident for the dog hair. I blew it off and just reiterated my sincere apology that the letter was sent and that she got so upset. I truly did not mean to upset her. He said he would relay the message and wished me well. What I did today most likely will not change my situation. Based on the husband's reaction, they don't take responsibility for their animals or for the noise coming from upstairs. They most likely will remain inconsiderate to me and my family. If so, I will seek wisdom how to move forward. The lesson for me was, for once, not in the end result. The lesson was the process. I wish I could have been more loving and graceful in the way I handled it. I wish my anger had not gotten the best of me some days. I get so focused on the lack of consideration in some people, I tend to forget they may be dealing with some difficult things and I need to be mindful of that. I am also thankful the Lord used this very stressful time to draw me nearer to him and seek him out. I am so thankful to the Lord also, for allowing that man to be at his car, and for giving me the courage to speak to him. God loves me enough to have sent the husband, not the angry wife, to deal with. For that I am grateful. As much as it depended on me, for today, I attempted to live at peace. I pray I learn from this and extend grace when needed.....and have patience enough not to throw any more balls at the ceiling, no matter how loud it gets!

Designated Areas

My husband and I took our son to the dentist office this past Friday. He was getting 3 teeth pulled and we all were pretty anxious about it. The waiting area was very kid friendly - full of electronic games, children's programs on the t.v. and books. There even was a computer for the adults to utilize with access to the Internet. As we were waiting, I noticed a mom sitting in front of a child's game screen nervously tapping her foot. After a few seconds, she got out her cell phone. For the next 10 minutes, I had the distinct displeasure of hearing every detail of what happened to her son as she explained it to her friend under the premise "please pray for him". I can tell you what school he went to, where he tripped and fell, what shoes he was wearing when he fell, how many times she told him to change his shoes, how many teeth were knocked loose, the school staff who helped him and what Christmas presents she bought them last year ("they take care of the kids who's moms are involved" so I understand). I can also tell you how much blood was involved, how much ice, what they would have to do if the teeth needed to be pulled ("knock him out for sure") and how awesome the school was during this "crisis". She hung up just as my husband was making the motion to hang himself. Truly, the nurse saved us both from further torture to tell the mom he was going to be fine.

After David got taken back, we decided the "not-as-kid-friendly" waiting room down the hall was more our style, so we headed back to wait.....and pray. No sooner were we in that waiting room does the woman next to me pick up the phone to make a call. Do you know hard it is to read an article on stress free parenting in Parents Magazine while the person next to you is talking about her niece who has been burping and farting every two minutes for the past 3 days? Hard, let me tell ya. I know more about these women....whom I DO NOT know....than I do some of my closest friends. The problem with that is - I don't want to.

I feel violated. I was subjected to these moronic conversations against my own will, unable to leave because my sweet little boy was getting 3 teeth pulled and for crying out loud, if something happened, I wanted to be there! I was trapped.

Much like those of us who don't smoke have historically been subjected to others that do, we now face a new enemy: The ignorant cell phone user. Honestly, if either of these women would have lit up a cigarette, I would have politely asked them to take it outside. Why in the world would they think other people in the room want to hear their conversation? I wish I would have had the nerve to tap them on the shoulder and say "pardon me, I really don't want to hear your conversation, would you mind talking elsewhere? I don't want to be subjected to second hand conversation - it's endangering my health" (and obviously the health of my husband who decided he'd rather watch his firstborn get 3 teeth yanked out than listen to this conversation any further - and he hates blood - especially when it's coming out of his 9 year old).

There are designated areas for smoking - there should be for cell phone users. Quite frankly, and forgive me for being un-christian, but if people want to kill themselves with smoking....or hideous cell phone conversations, so be it. But those of us making different choices for ourselves should be spared. I feel a "freedom from speech" movement coming on!

Back to the grind

Oh my goodness it's been a long time since my last post. I love summer and all the irresponsibility that comes with it! :) God certainly knows how we operate - by the end of school I am soooo ready to not be scheduled, but by the end of summer I am ready to have some order restored. And restored it has been. David started school last Thursday and he is loving it. This is his 5th year at Carmel Christian and he is so incredibly happy there - and we couldn't be more pleased. I noticed a big difference in my boy this year. He is taking on much more responsibility with his school work, and he has matured so much over the last year. Hardly any apprehension before school and he has been happy as a clam each morning (he is NOT a morning person, much like his Mommy, so this is a big deal). He is just so excited about school. I know it may not always be this way - so I am truly thankful for the way this year has started. I am especially thankful for Carmel Christian School and the staff there. What a wonderful place it is.

Jason starts WEE School in a couple of weeks. He is missing his big brother, but we are finding things to do together. This will be a big deal for him as he starts TK - 5 days a week at school. What am I going to do?!? ;) He is excited and at orientation he went to his class with no hesitation at all, so that was good. I went and listened to our wonderful preschool director go over the handbook for the very last time. I could recite this handbook by memory, as my children have been a part of WEE School for 7 years now. I can hardly imagine what it's going to be like to NOT be a part of this wonderful program. It was bittersweet to sit in that room full of first time WEE School parents. I remember what it was like to leave my child in his classroom crying his eyes out and wondering if I did the right thing. Now, 7 years later, he is a confident 4th grader and my youngest is now in his last year of preschool there. How far we have come! If I had known then what I know now, I wouldn't have worried nearly as much. Our children are God's children, first and foremost, and he loves them and cares for them always.

The summer has been wonderful and lazy, for the most part. I am so thankful to spend quality time with my children and husband during the summer. It is good, though, to be back at school and feeling like I am accomplishing something more than deepening my tan and washing bathing suits and towels every day....although, I do love it!

This summer has also brought me closer to the Lord. It's been challenging more than I ever thought, and obstacles have been overcome and struggles still ahead....but, more about that in another post. I'm glad to be able to look back on this summer and see God's hand over our lives. God is good!